The Cranky Ol' Bat

Happy New Year! Didya Miss The Party?

2007-01-22T08:23:00.000-05:00

Well...for all of you who, like me, just couldn't get it together to party on New Year's (ed. note ~ in "Mel-boring"? Are you #$%&-ing kidding me?), fear not. You can still party like it's 4705!

That's right, baby.....Chinese New Year is coming up on February 18th! Even I can get it together in time for that celebration!

As we say on the lovely and talented Space Coast, Gung Hay Fat Choy, y'all! And since it is the year of the pig, I think we are going to feast on some wonderful pork products.....

But first, just for fun....were you born under the correct Chinese sign?

You Were Actually Born Under:

Your most comfortable inside your head - and often daydream the day away.
You have an artistic temperament that makes you seem creative to some, eccentric to others.
You avoid conflict at all costs, and you have a difficult time with relationships.
Attractive and with good manners, you tend to shine in social situations.

You are most compatible with a Pig or Rabbit.

You Should Have Been Born Under:

Full of spunk, you are the original party animal.
You bring fun, activity, and stimulation to any event.
Self-control is not one of your strong points; you have been known to over indulge.
Cheerful and energetic, you can turn the most boring thing into something fun.

You are most compatible with a Rat or Dragon.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

Happy.....Whatever!

2006-12-18T11:58:00.000-05:00

I am getting less and less keen on all this holiday stuff. It's gotten too damn complicated....and that's just in my family and friends.

My sister in law is a pagan who practices....I dunno what she calls it. Nature worship, I think. It involves a lot of herbal crap, I know that much. I think her big holiday is the Solstice. How she observes it is something I'm not quite clear on, but I'm pretty sure candles are involved. Possibly some Celtic chanting. And of course, herbal crap.

WHY I HATE IT: I can sometimes barely get all my shopping done by the 25th, or by the cutoff for shipping to arrive before the 25th. Now I have to get it done four days earlier. @#$%!!!!! (That's Celtic for "excrement".)

My brother is an atheist. This year. Heaven only knows what he's going to be next year. Maybe reform Buddhist. He usually celebrates Festivus. Festivus is great since it's theoretically anti-commercial, but now you can get greeting cards for it, so that's debatable.

WHY I HATE IT: My brother vehemently denies the existence of God and the materialism of Christmas, yet expects a present on the 25th and doesn't confine his "airing of grievances" to just one day. Plus....I bet he secretly puts up an artificial metal pole (silver spray painted PVC pipe), but my sister in law won't confirm it.

One of my best friends is Jewish, so I have to shop for Chanukah. Any holiday that encourages the eating of latkes and donuts is fine by me! (If it wasn't for the "no bacon" rule, I could happily be Jewish.) But trying to find Chanukah wrapping paper or other supplies can be a real bitch sometimes. Luckily I live in one of the more Jewish areas of the country now, so it's easier and the selection is better.

WHY I HATE IT: Ok, I don't really hate it. I love her to death, but the fact that Chanukah jumps around every freakin' year is a pain in the ass. Some years I can hit the after Christmas sales and get smoking deals for her, other years, nope....full retail. And I gotta shop and send it early those years, too!

Me & the hubby celebrate Christmas.

WHY I HATE IT: If I hear one more freakin' escapee from the Arctic north bitch and moan about "it doesn't feel like Christmas without snow", I'm going postal. I used to enjoy the blank stares when I would confront particularly annoying idiots with a "what the @#$% kind of weather do you think Bethlehem is having, you @#$%?" when I lived in Phoenix. After all, the climate is similar. But it's harder here in the swamp. Besides, it seems that half of these whiners are from Noo Yawk or Noo Joisey.....and not a single one of them remembered to bring along decent pizza. Wankers, every one of 'em!

Kwanzaa starts the day of Christmas. Or the day after it. I'm not sure. But I really enjoy wishing my pale buddies "Happy Kwanzaa!", just because I'm more than a little insane. I'm sure that my friends, the "Brave Ebony Warrior" and "Ethiopian Princess", enjoy their annual email greetings from their friend, the "Nubian Nut".

Any holiday with a Swahili greeting of "Habari Gani!" (loosely translated as, "What up?") can't be all bad.

WHY I HATE IT: Ok, I don't really hate this holiday either. But the candelabra thingy is a blatant rip off of Chanukah. Yeah, I know....different colored candles and all that. Tell me with a straight face that you didn't think of Chanukah the first time you saw that thingy....whatever it's called. Plus all this "traditional African holiday" crap is just that, crap. It was celebrated for the first time in....are you ready?.....California. 1966.

I'm sure there's some Muslim holiday going on now, too. I think it's called Eid. All I know is the guvmint sells stamps for your Eid greetings right now. I guess it officially made the big time if they are selling commemorative stamps. I was hoping they might use one of the cartoons from Denmark on them, but....no joy for me. Damn.

WHY I HATE IT: General principles, plus I'm not keen on any religion that won't let me walk around half nekkid, insist on being treated as a man's equal, drink beer and eat BBQ pork. I'll give up one, maybe two on a special holiday, but not all four. No way, no how.

I'm sure I missed out on mentioning some Shinto day of joy, or some festival the Australian aborigines are observing. Sorry.

Look on the bright side. At least I didn't offend you in this missive.

Ah, hell. Got to get to the post office before it closes. It should be fun standing in line with the Tsarevich this year. Oh, yeah....I'll give him some eats and a clean nappy first, just to be on the safe side.

In case my cards and packages are late.....Happy Whatever. May it be peaceful, may you be surrounded by the ones you love, and may you have plenty of delectable holiday goodies to share. Remember that at this time of year, they are all calorie free. Seriously. It's part of the holiday magic we all treasure.

Take care and best of everything, no matter what you celebrate.

Santa Is A Jerk!

2006-12-02T13:45:00.000-05:00

Remember those old animated Rankin-Bass Christmas specials from back in the late 60's-70's? I was thinking about when Joey will finally be big enough to watch them ~~with me, but first....go get Mommy a beer!!~~ and enjoy the stories.

Anyway, I saw this and it states one thing I always thought about "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer", but in much politer terms.....that is, someone definitely needs an ass-kicking in that story, and it ain't Rudolph.

It never was a mystery to me why that one little elf wanted to be a dentist. Halitosis wouldn't be so bad as workin' for Da Christmas Man.

------------------------------

UPDATE: No, I am not going to send my little boy on a beer run. Geez. I'll just teach him how to operate the blender so Mommy can have her frosty margaritas.

ANOTHER UPDATE: You do realize I'm joking, right???

Pick a Card, Any Card.....

2006-11-25T11:45:00.000-05:00

Did I ever tell youse guys that I used to read Tarot cards for fun & amusement? No? Well....I did. Great party trick, I must say. I wasn't half bad at it, either. I didn't manage to pick up any hot guys with it, but there were quite a few people who said, "Wow, you can tell that about me from the cards?"

Erm, yeah.

Actually, there was a few lines that you could pretty much say to anyone and they would fit. Things like "you sometimes feel misunderstood.....you feel like you have to act one way in public that totally contradicts how you feel in private.....your teenage years were difficult....you feel the opposite sex is a mystery you will never completely understand.....". Sure, some of the cards "meant" something or other, but if you went totally general and tailored the answer to reflect their feedback, you could get "amazing" results.

Coming from a long line of con artists and bullshitters par excellence probably helps, too.

The card below was never one that I picked to represent myself in a reading (I was taught that you normally use one of the "face" cards in the Minor Arcana, or "suits", not one of the Major Arcana ones to represent yourself. It smacks of egotism, especially if you chose something like "The High Priestess" or "Death". Yeah, riiiiiight, buddy!)

That being said, I always did like this card. I've depended on unexpected help coming at my hour of need throughout my entire life.... ;)

You are The Star

Hope, expectation, Bright promises.

The Star is one of the great cards of faith, dreams realised

The Star is a card that looks to the future. It does not predict any immediate or powerful change, but it does predict hope and healing. This card suggests clarity of vision, spiritual insight. And, most importantly, that unexpected help will be coming, with water to quench your thirst, with a guiding light to the future. They might say you're a dreamer, but you're not the only one.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

Hat tip to Suzanne for this one.

Check out the link and see what comes up for you. Oh, and don't forget....if you do, tell me if you think it accurately depicts who you are or not.

Especially if you get "The High Priestess" or "Death". (BTW, Death is not a bad card in the Tarot deck. There truly are no bad cards in the deck, regardless of what someone tells you. Anyone who says they can "predict your death through the cards" is full of it, but you knew that already, didn't you? I mean, if it were possible, tarot card readers should be able to see it coming and make necessary arrangements, right? So if it comes up, be sure to share. Chances are it is NOT predicting your imminent demise. Honestly. Any decent card reader could tell you that.)

But the two of pentacles, however......that card.......well, oh, boy....it means.....if I were you.....

gotcha!! ;)

I'm the World's Worst Mommy.....And I'm Surprisingly OK With That

2006-11-13T15:39:00.000-05:00

Yup, you read that right.

I've only been doing my new gig for a little over six weeks. I have since found out that I have done irreparable damage to Joey in so many different ways, it's amazing he still breathes without assistance....and has even thrived.

A modern freakin' miracle, lemme tell ya....

What has the poor child endured, you ask?

Let's start from the beginning.

1) I had him via cesarean section. I get a marginal pass on that one, since it turned out I would have needed an emergency one anyway. Joey's cord was going to be delivered before he was if I had insisted on going for a normal birth. That was a recent development that didn't show up on my last ultrasound, and something the doctor only found out about once he cut me open. My reason (eighteen hours of labor, stalled progress, possible stuck shoulder leading to potential paralysis for the rest of his life in said shoulder, and a very large baby at 10 lbs, 2 oz.) still doesn't cut it with some birth nazis.

2) I actually used the term "birth nazi" when I couldn't stand how this one broad was pontificating about how anesthesia during childbirth was a crutch and there was no real reason for epidurals.

Me and my mouth dug that hole even deeper when I stated that once we started having "natural tooth extractions" or "natural appendectomies" I'd reconsider my position that the whole no-anesthesia shtick is just misogynistic crap perpetrated by some misguided male physicians and self-hating women. (Ever notice how all the "natural childbirth" philosophies were started by men? Lamaze, Bradley, Dick-Read....all men. After all, childbirth has been painless for men for centuries.....)

At least I put a sock in it before I blurted "Why the hell didn't you just squat in a field then, instead of forcing other women to hear you scream while they were giving birth? You think we wanted to hear a complete stranger screech for hours down the hallway, honey? Listening to that howling sure wasn't part of my birth plan." The birth nazi was ready to kill me as it was. No need to spike the ball.

3) Oh yeah, my birth plan. That's a good one.

For those of you who are birthin' virgins, a birth plan is where you plot out how you are going to bring your kid into the world. You specify who will be allowed in the room, if it's going to be immortalized on video, and what drugs, if any, you want available. It seems like a lot of them involve scented candles, soft music, and lights turned down low. Kinda like a seduction scene, only no booze (dammit!!), and the nudity involved isn't particularily erotic.

My birth plan didn't involve any of that. I knew damn well that I really wasn't in control of the circumstances. Whether it was going to be easy or difficult would be impossible to predict. So my birth plan went something like this:

I go to the hospital. I bug the crap out of everyone by asking anyone within earshot for an epidural the minute I walk in the door. Receptionists, food delivery people, other expectant parents checking in, janitors who don't speak English, nurses....I beg them all for blessed relief. Finally they have enough of me and arrange to get me the good stuff to shut me up. I consider naming my son after the anesthesiologist if he gets there in a reasonable amount of time. I deliver the kid....somehow. Maybe vaginally, maybe c-section, could be out my damn ear for all I know. I leave a few days later with the most beautiful baby boy ever born in Florida.

Unlike the scented candle crowd, I fulfilled my birth plan completely. (Candles aren't allowed in the hospital....fire hazard. Oops.)

4) I apparently have doomed my son for years of embarrassment in the showers at high school by not circumcising him. I don't know, but the idea of whacking off part of his anatomy without anesthesia didn't appeal to me much. And yes, with the set of lungs this kid has, I would have known exactly when it was happening. Hell, I could hear it when the nurses changed his diaper and I was still coming out of the anesthesia for my c-section. That was bad enough.

I might have reconsidered for religious reasons if we were Jewish. But even though our last name sounds Jewish, we're not. So with that reason gone, we decided to go with the American Association of Pediatricians recommendations and skip it.

Besides, if he wants it done later, I'd rather that he would be old enough to say if he needed more anesthesia, thankyouverymuch.

What the hell are guys doing staring at each other's schlongs in the shower, anyway??? Ewwww!!

5) He has had formula. Quite a bit of it. He will have more in the future.

To some women (usually the birth nazi type), this is tantamount to child abuse. Yet my son wasn't gaining enough weight until I supplemented. Go figure.

6) After determining that I can't make enough milk to breastfeed only, I've decided to look upon breastmilk as an appetizer or dessert for the little mite. Yes, I've tried everything including fenugreek (it made me smell like an IHOP), mother's milk tea (I hate licorice-tasting crap like anise, but I'd still probably be drinking it if it didn't give me horrible stomach cramps that made me crawl to the bathroom....not a good thing when you are recovering from a c-section), and oatmeal. At least the oatmeal didn't taste horrible, especially with a smidgeon of strawberry jam. I've tried all the miracle cures, but nothing has helped increase the supply. I'm at peace with the fact that I cannot be a walking milk bar.

Otherwise, to be honest, I'd have given up weeks ago. Let's face it. It's boring and hurts like hell. The minute Joey sprouts teeth and bites me is the minute I quit doing it. I am not going to be one of those women who breastfeed for four years. No way, no how.

7) I didn't save his cord blood in case he gets a horrible disease sometime in the future. I decided to spend that money (approximately $1500 to start, with about $100 to $200 in annual storage fees thereafter) for his college savings instead.

8) I don't use cloth diapers. I'd consider it if there was a diaper service in Brevard County, but I can't stomach the idea of washing them out myself. Trust me, there have been some of them that could only be described as "unholy". Thank God I could toss 'em and not have to see them ever again once they go to the diaper pail.

and finally

9) I'm vaccinating my child. He's getting all his shots. Hell, I'd arrange to get him the ones for yellow fever and cholera if I could. Hemmorhagic fever? Sure! Bring it on! If there was one for ebola, he'd be poked for that, too. My family has wandered the globe even before there was a term like "the Jet Set". I don't know where this little guy will wander, but I sure as hell don't want him picking up evil microbes if it can be avoided.

I don't buy all this "vaccinations cause autism" crap. If it was true, then why have the rates of autism continued to go up even after they've taken thimerosal (a mercury-based preservative that theoretically causes autism to this conspiracy crowd) out of the shots in the mid-90's? Could it be better diagnosis, like in the case of ADD? Funny, but I never see anyone claiming that vaccinations cause ADD like they supposedly cause autism, and rates of both have skyrocketed. Hmmm.

As long as there are a bunch of people running around leaving their kids vulnerable to things like whooping cough, measles and mumps, you bet I'm getting Joey poked. A tiny little shot that makes him (ok, me too, when I see him screech in pain) cry for five minutes is better than a vigil at his bedside hoping that he doesn't get some of the nasty aftermath of the above diseases....especially when he didn't have to go through the infection in the first place.

What's worse is that virtually all of those diseases are preventable with a tiny little stick. I don't understand how some people still can risk their children's health that way.

All three of those diseases I mentioned are on the upswing. With the amount of world travel that we take for granted, are you really that sure that we couldn't have a possible polio outbreak, for example? Talk to the Saudis about that....they had one during the hajj. People from literally every part of the planet participate in that, and then fly home. We didn't get an outbreak, but Nigeria did. Some of their "enlightened religious leaders" counseled against vaccinations for boys because they thought they were part of a cunning Jewish plot to make Muslims impotent. I kid you not.

I guess they didn't get the autism memo....

There you have them. Nine instances of bad parenting, depending on who's doing the critique.

Yet, Joey is growing bigger. He's in his 3 month clothes already, with the occasional sneak into the 6 month clothing stash. He's even given me a sweet, toothless smile on occasion, and has babbled excitedly at me. Ok, he's had longer conversations with Mr Bear, but he's still tried to include me in his attempts to talk.

He's even raised his big ol' heavy head to look deeply into my eyes....right before he ripped out a huge belch that startled the dog. It could have been worse. He farted himself awake once and the resulting gas chased his Daddy out of the bedroom. Joey spared me that one.....I guess it was one of those male bonding things I'll never understand.

I'm sure that soon enough he'll let me know just how horrible I am at this whole mommy business. It will probably be around the time that he can fit into the Superman footie jammies (with detachable cape!) that I got him last week instead of the "Beethoven for Baby Geniuses" CD all the good mommies got their little dumplings. I'll give him a time out or a swat on the butt, and he will formally dub me "The Worst Mommy in the World".

Good thing he won't know the half of it, right?

Public Notice of Eviction for Joseph Michael....

2006-09-21T15:40:00.000-04:00

Baby eviction notice: I am issuing a one week notice for EVICTION. Tenant will have seven days in which he can either gather his belongings and promptly vacate the premises, or wait until the final day. After which, he will be physically removed from the property.

The tenant is being evicted due to breech of contract and destruction of property. Expansions only to the FRONT of the house, within reasonable limits, were discussed. Not only have these limits been exceeded, but additions to the back of the house were also made. Remodeling and gutting of the home was never approved, nor was changing the initial layout and base structure. And due to property damage, there are now leaks in both the upper and lower levels of the home. On top of which, the landlord has received numerous camplaints about nightly disturbances.

After seven days from this day, if tenant doesn't comply with this the notice, it will result in immediate and forceful removal at my discretion.

Yes, it's official. If Joey doesn't git out voluntarily by 28 September at 4 PM EST, a very determined bald man of my acquaintance will make him leave, one way or the other.

Not sure I'm really ready for this, but it's too late now.

Will post pictures of the "evictee" when I can.

Welcome to Holland

2006-09-06T23:52:00.000-04:00

No, I didn't come up with this. Another lady, the mother of a little boy with Downs Syndrome, did a while back. I remember reading it in Readers' Digest a long time ago.

Maybe you've read it too, a while back. I'm reprinting it here, now.

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Thank you, Emily Perl Kingsley, wherever you are.

I'm an Aunt! For Real This Time!

2006-09-06T19:26:00.000-04:00

That's the good news.....and I'm proud to announce the birth of the most beautiful little girl in our family since 1967.....hat tip to Alena Joyce, born 9/6/06 in Scottsdale, Arizona around 1 pm.

Then there is the not-so-good news.

She's in the NICU. The doctors are 90 percent certain that she has Downs Syndrome.

I wish more than anything that I could be there with Alena, her mother Mary, and my brother George right now. I know there is not one damn thing I could do for any of them, but being stuck here, unable to travel, makes me and the Tsar feel so helpless.

I could hear my brother's heart breaking from thousands of miles away as he told me the news. And there wasn't one damn thing I could do or say to make it better. For the first time in my life, I really feel like I have somehow failed on my promise to always watch out for him that I made back when I was nineteen at the side of my mother's hospital bed (and repeated at my father's side when I was twenty-five).

I have never before greeted the birth of a child with such a mix of joy and tears like I have right now. The thing is, all of us thought if any child were likely to be born with this condition, it would be our Joey, since I'm well into my thirties and at the age where doctors "strongly encourage" amnios. Alena's mom is only 19, so the doctors pretty much decided that based on her age alone, there was only about a 1 in 5000 chance.

Looks like Alena is that 1 in 5000.

This was completely unexpected. Of all the different things any of us thought would happen, no way did we anticipate this. What her future will be is a mystery. The dreams and hopes we had for her will have to change.

There are a few things, however, very positive things, I do know right now.

I won't be convinced otherwise that little Alena doesn't have two special guardian angels who will be with her always. One's a cranky former Lithuanian airplane mechanic, the second's a irritable former Slovenian airline ticket agent. I'm not sure they could stand each other in life.

They wouldn't be anywhere else now but at the side of their first grandchild, a beautiful little girl blessed with dark hair and blue eyes, named after her great-grandmother.

Most of all, there is no possibility that there is another child in Arizona who could possibly be more fiercely loved and cherished tonight than Alena Joyce.

Welcome to the world, precious little girl, from a loving aunt and proud uncle who can't wait to meet you someday soon.

UPDATE: Alena has a heart defect. She was born without a pulmonary valve. The doctors have given her medication to keep a blood vessel open between her pulmonary artery and her aorta to help keep her stable until they can determine what surgical options they have for her. A pediatric cardiologist at Phoenix Children's Hospital will make the determination soon.

I've been staying up looking up "pulmonary atresia" (the name of her condition) on the web, and the good news is it looks like it generally can be treated successfully. Maybe my favorite little girl just caught a break today. I sure hope so.

ANOTHER UPDATE: Ok, I've had some time to do some research on the 'net about Downs Syndrome. I now feel fully qualified to make the following assumptions about Alena and her future.

(Ahem! Had to clear my throat there.)

1. She already is smarter than Cameron Diaz and Jessica Simpson. Combined.
2. When she does learn to talk, she will be far more articulate than Paula Abdul critiquing an American Idol contestant.
3. She'll have more sense than to dress skanky like Christina Aguilera.
4. If she decides to take up acting, no way could she possibly be as bad as Paris Hilton or Mariah Carey.
5. She'll be intelligent enough to know that Kevin Federline is not marriage material.
6. She'll probably never jump on a couch again after the age of seven, unlike Tom Cruise.
7. She'll never show up on the daytime talk shows with ten guys trying to figure out who is the "babydaddy".

I'm not going to deny that she will have a more challenging life. That's for certain. But at least she'll never embarrass the family in those seven ways....and for that, I'll be eternally grateful.

Still Alive, Still Bloated, Still Lucky

2006-08-02T23:12:00.000-04:00

I know I've been horrible about posting here. Can't help it, really. Got a lovely symptom that I did not know existed prior to early July.....pregnancy related carpal tunnel.

Yup. Not only has my tummy swelled, and my poor feet and ankles, so have my fingers and hands. On a good hour, I've just got tingling in my fingertips. Bad moments mean it's to the point where I would sneak an ibuprofen if I thought I could get away with it. Really bad? Let's put it this way.....I'd get hammered if I could hold a glass in my clenched hands, but knowing Joey would be joining me for a margarita or a pharmaceutical happy pill stops me cold. If he wants to indulge when he's 21, ok. But at 31 weeks in utero, he's still too little to give any kind of consent.

Right now, having a pretty good hour, hence the update.

Basically, what has happened is that I've turned into a big, bloated, giant sponge. I retain water like Bounty, I swear. I can literally feel the water sloshing around on the top of my feet when I walk sometimes. Cankles? Oh....you betcha.

Yes, most preggos get that. Big honking deal. But I'm special and it's also backing up into my hands. The water presses onto the nerves in my wrists and fingers, not that there is much space there to start with.

Treatment consists of wearing hand braces almost all day and night long, with the occasional Tylenol when I completely lose my mind and think that it might help. (Never helped me before unless it had codeine in the mix. I pretend it does and pray for a placebo effect, or some distraction to take my mind off of it.)

So, why lucky?

Easy.....my blood pressure is right where it should be. Just passed (barely) my gestational diabetes test, so as long as I stick more or less to the diet all should be well without having to take insulin shots. I'm pretty much textbook with this pregnancy, and all my appointments have been boring. No drama, no "baby at risk" scenarios that the Discovery Health channel makes specials about. The amnio came back perfectly normal, his heart rate is strong, and he thankfully doesn't enjoy kicking the crap out of my kidneys, bladder, or lungs. Joey's a pretty lazy little lump, but a healthy one.

I've pretty much got the one complication that completely spares our little boy, and should go away completely shortly after he arrives.

Considering all the things that could go wrong, damn straight I'm lucky. And you can't convince me otherwise.

It's starting to ramp up on the pain, so I'm ending this entry for now. I'll post when I can, and hope you all are doing well!

They Say Three's a Charm....

2006-07-05T08:30:00.000-04:00

So, I've started to wonder what tax will be imposed next on air travelers, especially ones in Europe.

If you have decided to travel to France, be prepared to pay anywhere from $5 to $50 for a special levy designed to wipe out poverty and all its ills, such as the lack of vaccines for malaria and treatments for tuberculosis. France has started to impose this tax on 1 July. The rate charged depends on factors like distance travelled and what class ticket you have purchased.

Brazil, Britain, Chile, Congo, Cyprus, France, Ivory Coast, Jordan, Luxembourg, Madagascar, Mauritius, Nicaragua, and Norway have all stated that they will begin to raise revenue for this program shortly. Twenty-five other countries are looking into joining them.

The program will be administered, apparently, by the United Nations.

I guess they have some people looking for work after "Oil for ~~Kickbacks~~ Food" was shut down.

Then came word that the European Parliament has approved a tax to pay for the environmental impact of aviation within its borders (for now....look for it to expand to all flights within a few years if they get their way). This one is substantially higher.....a passenger could face a tax of nearly $73 per round-trip ticket at current exchange rates. This would virtually wipe out any savings that the traveling public would have by patronizing discount carriers like RyanAir or EasyJet.

How severe a problem are the emissions?

In 2003, international aviation accounted for approximately 5% of CO₂ emissions. Domestic aviation in Britain accounted for 0.5% of CO₂ emissions.

Apparently this will encourage Europeans to take their nice train systems instead, which are powered by electricity that somehow is generated with no emissions at all through some super science we are too lazy to adopt here in the States. Either that, or they will drive their nice, emission-free cars all over the place.

(I am a liberal arts graduate, so excuse me if my lack of detailed scientific knowledge makes me a mite skeptical that this would be an improvement for the environment.)

They are also looking into a way to tax for contrails. Yep, those wispy bits of water condensation in the wake of an airliner. Supposedly their presence adds to global warming. However, a study completed in the wake of 11 Sep 2001 in the United States showed that the three days after the tragedy (when there were no contrails except for those coming from military aircraft) experienced an increase in temperature of 1 degree Celsius.

Oops.

Now, I'm left to wonder what other tax travelers will be facing before the year is out. A flush tax for using the onboard loo? (After all....those blue chunks can be scary!) A legroom tax? (Those bastards who are six and a half feet tall should pay more for making me feel intimidated at five foot eight, dammit!) Maybe a tax to compensate for all the tiny little bits of rubberized material that flake off when a plane lands, or for the birds who get sucked into the engines?

I'll keep you posted, but in the meantime....what do you think is the next goofy idear they're going to feature in "Pin the Tax on the Tourist"??

Found the Best Place for the Fourth of July

2006-07-04T23:30:00.000-04:00

It's right in my backyard, too!

Go to the Banana River in Brevard County (part of the Intercoastal Waterway), just off of Indialantic in a little boat. You'll get to see the displays put on by the cities of Melbourne, Palm Bay.....and the unofficial ones put on by the homeowners who shoot all kinds of fireworks off of their docks. Surprisingly none of them caught fire, though one dork was aiming the pyrotechnics right at his own dock.

The breeze was constant and cool. It was a night made for being lazy and sippin' the beverage of your choice.

Happy 230th, America!

My Love Is Like a Red, Red Rose.....Literally!

2006-06-30T08:38:00.001-04:00

Any schmo can get a girl some roses. If you have a few thou lying around, you can get the ultimate treatment for your beloved. That's right, a rose named after him or her. Drop 75k, and you can turn it into a vacation he or she will never forget.

There's already an orange rose that has the first name of the Tsar, so I guess I won't be doing this any time soon. Ok, it wasn't officially named after him, true....but I can pretend it was. If you are interested in a floral tribute to someone you adore, click on the link above.

One little hint, however.....if it's fragrance you're after, skip the red roses. There is a strange little genetic quirk with them that tends to eliminate or completely kill the possibility of a lovely fragrance. Go for a lavender/purple variety, since they tend to have the strongest perfume. Yellows, pinks, and whites can also be surprisingly strong.

Greatest Commercial Ever Made?

2006-06-30T08:34:00.000-04:00

Well, a British guy named Dave thinks this television ad is.

Very politically incorrect. May offend radical feminists. May annoy other women, though....especially when they see what they're fighting over.

Bono's Day Job is Secure...

2006-06-29T17:39:00.000-04:00

But this is still pretty cool in a weird way.....

(Tip o' the hat to Rantburg! BTW, changed my nom de guerre over there. I'm now Swamp Blondie.)

Not really sure if this is safe for work or not, but the song sure is catchy! (no skin, no nudity....just weird.)

The Latest Innovation in Airfare Sites

2006-06-23T10:10:00.000-04:00

Want a good idea where travel booking sites could be headed in the future? Check out FlySpy. It's still in the very early stages (as in, if you ain't flying out of Minneapolis, it's not going to help you much right now), but the premise is a good one.

Say you want to take off to Hawaii, but want to see when the cheapest time to fly would be over the next 30 days. A couple of clicks, and you know when to schedule your vacation to save some serious bucks on the airfare.

The Plaza is Gone.....What Happened to Eloise?

2006-06-23T08:40:00.000-04:00

Sure, Eloise never really existed. But the fantasy of living in a hotel persists.

Some people actually get to live the dream. That's right.....maid service, fresh towels, the works.

Of course, it ain't cheap. But if you ever wanted to know what it was like before you shelled out your lottery winnings, read the article and daydream away.

How to Navigate the Streets in the City With the Second-Worst Drivers in America

2006-06-23T03:51:00.000-04:00

Yes, second worst. Hate to say it, but my ol' hometown has nada on Central Floridians. ("Tailgating...it's a way of life!!" More on that some other time, however.)

As a public service to the traveler, may I present:

Phoenix Driving Rules

1. You must learn to pronounce the city name. It is: "FEE - niks."

2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to 10:00a.m. The evening rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.

3. The minimum acceptable speed on all freeways-I-10, I-17, U.S. 60, Loop 202 -- is 85 mph. You may only exceed that speed on Loop 101, where the speed is allowed to match the highway number. Anything less is considered wimpy.

4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Phoenix has its own version of traffic rules. Cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires go after that. (Note: East Valley, SUV-driving, cell phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.)

5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out and possibly shot.

6. Never honk at anyone. Ever..... Seriously!

7. Construction is a permanent fixture in Phoenix. Detour barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

8. Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, cats, mattresses, shredded tires, squirrels, rabbits, crows, vultures, javelinas, roadrunners, and the coyotes feeding on any of these items.

9 . You must know that "Maricopa Freeway, Papago Freeway and the I-10" are all names for the same road.

10. To find anything in Phoenix, it is required to know where Central and Washington are. This is our Alpha and Omega-the Beginning and the End.

11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

12. If you are in the left lane, and only driving 70 in a 55-65 mph zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.

13. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.

14. You are allowed to wear potholders to protect your hands and fingers during the summer driving months. PS: It was 123 degrees in Bull Head City on 7/21/05 !!!!

15. If you are driving next to someone in June, July, August or September and they have their car windows open "DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT", they have enough problems already.

16. Leaving your closed can of pop in the car during the above same months, will result in the creation of a explosive device equal to a that of a small atomic bomb.

17.A cup of coffee left in your car in the morning will be hotter when you come back in the afternoon.

18. License plates are now "optional" in Arizona.

19. Contrary to popular belief, "Snowbirds" do not "fly".

20. 4x4 vehicles are standard for Phoenix valley highway driving - in case of that "sudden" blizzard in July.

Hip Travel Tip for the Nude Dude!

2006-06-21T10:41:00.000-04:00

Yes, he knows who he is. He's wanted to go to a nudist resort for a long time, and I think I found just the place for him to go....

No, it's not a resort recommendation. What this link takes you to is apparently the unofficial US capital of nudist resorts. Bring your sunscreen and your bug spray, kiddo....and it may not be such a bad idea to bring the 'gator bat, too. (After all, you should have plenty of room in your luggage, since clothing is optional, right?) This county has quite the selection for the growing market, every thing from a $300 per night luxury villa to a RV park.

And before you ask....no one really needs to see a rather pregnant chick exposing her soon-to-be firstborn to the sun. Don't look for me there any time soon.

How to Know if You are Really Rich

2006-06-19T08:29:00.000-04:00

Well, wait and see how you die, according to this article.

I know the answer for me...slightly affluent but not rich. I'm not going to meet the Reaper in a private plane crash any time soon.

I guess I should be taking a second look at the cities listed in this article, listing eight cheap places that are desirable (not so sure about Prescott, AZ being cheap, however, but it sure is pretty.)

An Inconvenient Question, Perhaps.....

2006-06-19T06:44:00.000-04:00

I know that I originally started this as a more-or-less travel related blog. But lately I've been pondering political things far more than where to find great travel discounts.

I blame Joey for that. I don't doubt that having him is a good move. On the contrary, I can't wait to see the result of my impromptu genetic experiment (mix one Old World Slavic gentleman with a New World Slavic/Baltic hellraiser, and what will you get? Hmmm.....LET'S TRY IT OUT AND SEE IF WE ROLL SEVENS OR SNAKE EYES!!!).

I also can't wait to take him to some of the amazing and beautiful places in the world, to watch him grow, and see him master knowledge that I never could, due to my own lack of talent in that area and/or the fact the technology required still may not exist for a few years, and he'll be in the perfect age group to conquer it. You know....like why my parents could never program the VCR while their lazy lump of a daughter sittin' on the couch, familiar with most things computer, did it in a matter of minutes without even looking at the stupid manual. That kind of thing.

When I say political, yes, I mean personal things, mainly regarding being a chick who is going to be a mother. Considering all politics is at heart really about your own selfish interests, whatever they may be, that's natural. I'm looking at the world in a different light....and quite frankly, I don't get it.

I never paid much attention to all this "working vs stay at home mommy" stuff, believe it or not. I figured I'd make up my mind when the time came along. I gave up on planning my life for decades in the future based on incomplete current knowledge once I realized that life can and will throw you a curveball now and then, and wreck all your detailed plans in a blink of an eye. The twenty-year-old me could never have predicted that one day I'd have in-laws in Russia and be living in Florida (Florida!!) of all places, instead of married to that idjit I picked up at the campus radio station and living in some terminally hip metropolis.

Thank God for that! That idjit is probably splitting the ramen soup package into a lunch and dinner portion. I only wonder what he eats first....the salty broth or the tasteless noodles.

Anyway, I guess I'm just paying better attention to that stuff when it hit me. In every article about the plight of the working mother, the author keeps bringing up the childcare paradise that is Europe (ok, paradise in the writer's humble opinion) and how inadequate America is by comparison. Name the stat, and we're at the bottom.....no paid maternity/paternity leave, 80% of American childcare facilities suck, it costs a fortune even to have childcare that sucks, you have to start looking for it even before you conceive in some places, and the staff sticks around for maybe six weeks before quitting. Live-in help? Yeah, that's a good one....if you have a spare 30k or so, and can overlook the fact she's going to start smacking the kid around five minutes after you leave with a rubber hose (don't wanna leave any marks that might mess up the family Christmas portrait, right?) Meanwhile, Europe has universal day care, maternity leave for a year (or more), on-site pediatric care for sick children at said centers, hell...maybe even a place to drop off your dry cleaning and pick up a hot meal to go when you get the kidlet after work.

It sounds pretty sweet. I can't deny that. I applied at one company back in Phoenix before I moved (USAA insurance) because they offered such a facility to their employees as a benefit, and I was still on the Pill at the time.

Of course, in the description of this paradise, there's always a mention of how some past president (usually one of the Republican ones) shot down some spending bill that could have provided the exact same system here in America. Wrap it up with a "maybe our daughters will have a system like they do in Europe if we ever grow up" paragraph, and voila, you have an article ready for publication, possibly even a Newsweek cover story.

Uh.....not so fast, sister.

If it's all so perfect over there in Europe, how come most European women have only one kid, if they have any at all, whereas here in America, with our Neanderthal system, many women have two or even more?

Stop and think about it for a second. If it was really all that great as the writers seem to think it is over there, the Continentals should be pumping out the little ones like crazy. Peg Perego shouldn't have to export a single damn stroller to the US, because Italy (population growth rate one of the world's lowest at 1.2 kids per woman) would be using every one they produce. After all, they have all the things that a mother should need to support her and her child, according to these experts.

So, why are the governments over there offering to pay women to have more kids? The Tsar's own homeland, Russia, recently joined the trend of proposing a monthly stipend for each child born to Russian parents to shore up the population decline. I told the Tsar that maybe we should sign up Joey for it, since after all, he's half Russian and we could use the $30 or so every thirty days to save up for his future college tuition. I had to reassure him I was kidding to get him to stop glaring at me (truthfully, I was half kidding....anything extra in the college kitty is welcome, don't ya know?).

I haven't seen anything in our media about "Bonuses for Brats" offered by the President or Congress to shore up the American birth rate, currently at about 2.1, or replacement level, for you statistics freaks.

A couple of countries have stopped talking about it and actually have those bonuses. Their birthrates barely budged.

Something just doesn't add up.

There are groups in Europe that have as many kids as Americans do, and even more. They're called immigrants. They don't use the day care centers lauded in the articles, even though they are relatively cheap and are all over the place. They are precisely the ones that most European politicians wish would stop having rugrats, since in a few years, they fear that their native languages will be pushed aside in favor of the newcomers' Arabic, Turkish and African ones.

So, maybe it's time to look at it from a different perspective. What are we doing right after all, if women feel that two or three is a good number (like I still do, even though I'm getting a late start) while Europeans think that maybe only one is doable, if that, in spite of all the extra help?

Don't give me this "we're all buying into the patriarchy" crap, either. My generation, and the one after it just coming into adulthood, feature some of the most outspoken females ever unleashed on this great land, and that's saying something right there. American chicks have always been on the feisty side. We were brought up to believe that we could do virtually everything a man can do, and dammit, a lot of my friends have managed to get there, more or less. (One can even pee standing up. It's frightening, really. No, it's not me, and I won't tell you who it is.)

It's a cultural thing, IMHO. Whenever I tell the Tsar that I bought something for Joey with the express intention of also using it for the next possible child, he gets this "you sure you don't just want one?" thing going. Many of his Russian friends have stopped at one, even though they live here now. It usually keeps going until I say something like "Ok, we'll see if we can handle only Joey. But I still want the option of another one in a couple years.....and you better give me a girl next time!"

Yeah, I'm bowed by the patriarchy, aren't I?

He may be descended from the same stock that pushed the Nazis back at Stalingrad, but he ain't winning this battle.

Back to the original question: what gives with the kiddie situation, and could it be possible that maybe we are doing something right in spite of all the things that these "experts" tell us we are screwing up? After all, if I thought this planet was incredibly farked up beyond saving, the last thing I would want to do is bring an innocent life into this mess. And in spite of not having any idea where I could get decent childcare out here in Redneck Rocket Scientist Land, I'm still planning on having more than one, unlike my European counterparts.

Discuss.

I Guess I'm Still a Liberal, But.....

2006-06-16T08:04:00.000-04:00

I could have written a lot of this post, too.

I guess there are more of us out there than the media would like you to believe there are, with their focus on nutjobs like Howard Dean, the Daily Kos crowd, and other idiots who don't understand why "Zionazi" is such an offensive, ignorant word.

It's been pretty damn weird the last couple of years. Most of my friends are over on the liberal side, too. I've noticed more and more of them starting up with crap like "Bushitler", "Chimpy Cheney McHalliburton", "the election was stolen....twice!!", "Bush knew there were no WMD's", blah blah blah.

Enough already with this crap, ok? You don't like the president? Fine, I don't either most of the time. But you're not acting any more mature than the idiots who were equating Bill Clinton (or usually more often, Hillary) with communism.

Grow the hell up, dammit!!!

There were a few things that Mr Swirsky did not address in his post that I want to add.

1) The Democrats are not going to win a single damn Presidential election until they put up a candidate who will actually admit that Islamic terrorism is a bad thing, and mean it. That means no Dean, no Murtha, no Pelosi, no Reid.

I frankly am tired of hearing justifications for them blowing shit up that usually involve some blame on our part. I just want them to stop it, immediately. If they won't do it voluntarily, then I guess we have to bring enough pain to make them understand this is not a winning strategy. Yes, it's part of the "You can make me cry, but I can decapitate your sorry ass and leave nothing to bury" kind of thinking that conservatives tend to have. So be it. For once they may be right.

And please, no nominees who blew their previous chances trying yet again to sell themselves to the American public. Tell Al Gore to go back to his farm in Tennessee (give the boy a map, he's probably forgotten where it is, anyway), and tell Kerry to go get Teresa's dry cleaning and shut the hell up about lucky hats from CIA operatives in Cambodia.

Get someone like Lieberman and maybe, maybe you have a shot. Yes, I know, that would mean taking into account flyover country's feelings about the War on Terror, or "al-Qaeda in Iraq which has absolutely no connection to al-Qaeda in the rest of the world" as portrayed in the NY Times. Deal with it. You need their votes.

Being condescending might get you some bandwidth on Atrios, but being respectful might get you the White House. What do you want....power or another four-year whine fest?

2) Knock it off with the anti-semitic crap already.

If the Republicans are supposed to be the Nazis, why the hell are you parroting some of their best lines? You know the ones....Jewish money controls the media....there are too many Jews exerting influence over the government and academia....

Damn, why don't you just come out and say that a swarthy Jewish boy is going to defile Aryan nationhood by impregnating our frauleins with mongrel babies, and get it over with? What's next, quotes from the actual Protocols of the Elders of Zion? (Keep the one about Jews making matzoh with blood for Passover season. The voters will be reminded of it every time they go to the store that month and have to pass the kosher food display. Brilliant, no?)

3) There is nothing, I repeat, nothing vaguely honorable about the Palestinians. If they ever do anything that could be considered an improvement of the human condition, I will take it partially back. Two things, and it will be a complete retraction.

My grandchildren will visit Mars before that happens, if they continue their current modes of ~~mis~~behavior.

Bangladesh manages to produce jute for export, for Christ's sake, and that has to be one of the most godforsaken hellholes on the planet. Name one damn thing the Palestinians have ever created, except shrapnel, suicide bombers, and hate propaganda.

4) Illegal aliens are not immigrants. Immigrants file paperwork, wait around for a gazillion years for their green cards to be issued, and pay taxes to the government in the meantime. All the while, they live with the fear that some official might take a personal dislike to them and deport them for any stupid reason you can imagine.

"You've been here a bunch of years, been paying taxes, and have American-born kids? Never broke the law, never even got a speeding ticket? That's fascinating....get yer ass on the bus back to the airport for your one-way ticket to your homeland, and shaddup. No, you don't have Constitutional rights. Sorry."

I know. I'm married to one. You wouldn't have seen him in the marches waving a Mexican flag. He was too busy working, along with his other coworkers from Costa Rica, India and Ireland. They have a project deadline to make.....

If we're lucky, my husband will get a green card by the time our little Joey gets to kindergarten.

If we're not and that bullshit bill sponsored by "Amnesty John" McCain & "Bartender! Make it a Triple!" Ted Kennedy goes through, he'll have to wait until Joey graduates from high school, since we have to take into account that someone who ignored the proper channels to get here was technically in this country before the Tsar was, and in the interests of "fairness"......which apply in a sophisticated manner I'm too stupid to understand.....the illegal gets to cut in line ahead of him by procuring fake documentation and a $1000 or so fine.

I wouldn't be surprised if there was free legal help included. It's a smoking deal....considering we've paid over $3000 for our lawyer, and the bill keeps ratcheting up.

Who knows, we might have the house paid off, the Tsar might have accumulated enough credits with the Social Security system to get a microscopic check when he turns 70, and we just might win the Florida Lottery by the time he gets that card, too. But I keep thinking it will arrive in the mail the day after he dies if this stupid bill goes through.

Thanks so much, Senators, this VOTER and her family and friends who VOTE really appreciate your efforts. By the way, Teddy....FYI....most of these so-called "future voters" tend to turn Republican once they get the power of the ballot box. Don't believe me? Look at the stats for Hispanic voters. Yep, do all you can to ensure your party doesn't get back in.

No wonder the Democrat symbol is the jackass.

Can't you guys go do something else, like take a bribe from a lobbyist?

5) Aw, to hell with it.

I'm just going to come out and say it.

I voted for W and I drive a Subaru and was a guvmint worker for over a decade!

I couldn't stand Kerry. He should have had my vote, but I just couldn't do it.

It wasn't the Botox that made his forehead immovable, his constant invocation of @#$%-ing Vietnam (crap.....he wasn't even there a year! McCain was a prisoner in the Hanoi Hilton for over seven years, and he doesn't bring it up during every damn interview on every damn topic!), or that "I voted for it before I voted against it" crap.

It was his assertion that we could handle bin Laden & Co as an international legal problem. Yes, by all means, bringing him up before the International Criminal Court in the Hague would work so well. They did a bang-up job with Milosevic. Sure, they say he died of a heart attack, but I'd wager it was just boredom after being on trial for ten freaking years with no end to the proceedings in sight. Since they are getting warmed up with the Rwanda case, they should get to ol' Skinny in about 15 more years if we brought him in right now.

It was his assertion that we would not take any action anywhere unless it passed a "global test". I guess that means we would have to get the UN to bless any kind of American military action anywhere. Excuse me while I ponder this, and try to keep from laughing at the idea of a bureaucracy even more bloated than the US government making decisions on our behalf whilst the rest of the world gets to act without their sanction (yes, I'm thinking of France in the Ivory Coast, to be specific).

And finally, it was his assertion that we need to leave Iraq immediately before they even got a government of their own off the ground. I'm still not convinced invading was the best thing to do, but mucking it up and leaving it a mess definitely is not an improvement.

As a matter of fact, Kerry still apparently thinks it's a good idea. Click on the link to read an excerpt of the bill that went down 93-6 that the junior senator from Massachusetts sponsored. It's off his own website. This is what he chose to highlight as positive points for consideration.

If I'm getting the nuances correctly, he wanted us to confer with representatives of Iran and Syria to determine the Iraqis' fate. Yeah, I'm sure they would only have their best interests at heart. Fark the elected government that is currently in place in Iraq, their neighbors (and the other representatives of this "coalition of the stupid") know better. The president would also have to get Congressional blessing on the plan.....forget about what the pesky Constitution says about who gets what governmental powers.

Dear Sweet Mother of God, this nation sure dodged a bullet when this idiot lost the election! I think if he were in, he would have rivaled the glory days of the Carter administration.

(Speaking of Carter, when that buffoon finally shucks his last peanut, I'm throwing a huge ol' party.)

If liberals keep being this nuts, I swear I'm going to put a "Condi 2008" bumper sticker on the back of that Subaru.

Don't make me follow through with that.....

I might not stop there if I start putting stickers on it. It's a Subaru thang, you know.

One of them might even be complimentary to the current Commander in Chief, if you other liberals keep going in this crazy direction.

I swear I'll do it!

(goes off to the corner, holding my head and softly moaning "I can't believe I said that!")

Psst, Buddy......Want a Good Steak?

2006-06-11T05:48:00.000-04:00

And a relatively cheap vacation, too?

Well, pardner, forget about Texas. Yes, there's somewhere better than Texas for beef. The Omaha Steaks people aren't going to bring you these tasty morsels, either. Nope, you gotta dust off that passport and get some funny looking foreign money to enjoy what are the best damn steaks you will ever have.

Don't be put off too much by the title of this article, or by it's discussion of how your retirement dollars will go far here. Delve past the first few paragraphs, and find out where to stay in this little piece of Europe that kind of got lost (in the locals' opinions, anyway.....they think they're Europeans, regardless of what geography says.......)

Leave the A-1 at home, unless you're a Russian.

What is it with Russians and A-1 sauce, anyway? Even the Tsar can't answer that one....

Ever Wanted to Heed Nature's Call in a Meadow?

2006-06-11T05:36:00.000-04:00

Well, then, gents, get yer bladders to Stockholm's Arlanda airport, where lovely glass panels portraying a flower-filled meadow will ease your weary minds.

Us ladies have only the imitation buttercups made out of red glass.

Apparently to cut down on the smell ~~and some guys' lack of proper aim~~, the glass panels were installed to make the urinals more pleasant to use.

If you prefer to look out at the tarmac instead, don't worry, they've accomodated you, too. Just please, try not to "express yourself" on your least favorite carrier should one of their planes go past.....

Airline Strike Watch #54

2006-06-07T12:05:00.000-04:00

Ok, I haven't posted that many yet, but I liked the way it sounded.

The latest company to be a bit wary of in the potential strike department is an old favorite. Northwest's flight attendants have just shot down a contract that the airline claims would have saved it $195 billion. This allows both the airline to rip up the current contract under terms of it's bankruptcy agreement, and sets up a possible strike to be called later this year if the airline follows through on that threat.

Will keep you posted.....

C'mon Now....Baby Needs New Shoes!!

2006-06-07T11:23:00.000-04:00

You'd think that having been to Vegas a few times, I'd know the answer to this, but I don't. Does any casino out there allow you to place a bet on a political race?

The reason I'm asking? I'm convinced that Markos Moulitsas Zuniga of the Daily Kos works for Karl Rove.

Seriously.....he's picked a favorite in twenty different elections. How many have won?

None.

Nada.

Zip.

He places his bets, and rolls snake eyes every single time. His latest bum bet was on the California 50 race. The voters had to pick out a new representative to replace Duke Cunningham, the poster boy for corruption. The Kos champion ran on a platform emphasizing that stirring political value of "competence". If there is one thing to definitely get the voters motivated, it's competence....She got whacked by a former lobbyist.

Right now, he's rivaling the Tampa Bay Bucs of 1976-1977, who got an impressive 0-26 record in their inaugural season.

In the Buccaneers' defense, however, they were a rookie team. Kos was and is a well compensated political operative. It's not like he's picking the winner of the National Spelling Bee. As a professional, he should be able to pick at least one guy or gal who can win an election.

So it got me thinking. Maybe I should find out where I can place a bet on a political race, and scrape together a few dead presidents. Whoever ~~Karl Jr~~ Kos supports.....put it on the opposition, no matter how offensive I might find him or her.

I'll rack up a college fund for my little Joey in no time!!

"So Sorry to Hear Gramps Died. Now Pay Full Fare and Shaddup!"

2006-06-06T12:28:00.000-04:00

In a "cost cutting" move that is sure to incense travelers once it is better publicized, many airlines are quietly doing away with their last-minute bereavement fares.

Don't even think about asking for them on US Airways, Delta or Air Canada. They don't have them any more. Alaska has slashed the traditional 50% discount to 25%. That's still better than Continental's 5-10% discount, or United's and American's imposition of a $100 charge if you have to change your flight at the last minute due to a family member's treatment schedule or a sudden worsening of their health. The weirdest new twist comes from Northwest, which now requires you to sign up for their frequent flyer plan if you want the discount.

Speaking of frequent flyer miles and airline credits, good luck trying to get the airlines to take them if you have to fly on short notice. Expect expediting fees for last minute travel, no matter what the excuse.

I sure hope the airlines are saving big bucks with this strategy. They say that you can often do better with an online search on one of the discount fare sites. I'm not really buying that, since most everybody uses those sites now to book regular travel. The last minute discount fare was something that wasn't used much. It did, however, give people traveling during a bad time in their lives one less thing to worry about. I used them myself after the death of my father, and it was nice to not have to shop around at an emotionally difficult time.

All the Jet Set Chick can see is a bunch of potential future customers who will decide never to fly certain carriers again because the new rules piss them off during a stressful time in their lives. I doubt the "savings" will compare favorably to the cost of generating that much bad will.

Where the Hell Have I Been???

2006-06-06T10:27:00.000-04:00

Well, been busy trying to buy a house here in Hurricane Central. Looks like we will be 1/3 acre land barons by the end of July!! (Which is a very good thing, since Joey's due date is 2 October, and our lease is up 30 September. I really didn't want to trick the Swamp Thang out with a nursery in the back seat if I could avoid it.....)

Anyway, am off to make a devils' food cake and freak out the neighbors with my little devil horns from Halloween! Maybe I'll even sneak off and see "The Omen" with the Tsar.

Have a hell of a good time, denizens of the Jet Set Lounge!!

Not Feeling In The Pink....Got Me a Case of the Blues

2006-05-17T10:15:00.001-04:00

But it's all good....really!

We're not having a Jet Set Chicklet, after all. The ultrasound was wrong. We're going to be welcoming a new Tsarevich! He's Joseph Michael, after his grandfathers.

This time we are sure....amnio results don't lie! ;)

Now I just gotta find receipts for all those cute little dresses.....and get some more overalls. We're bracing ourselves for hospital runs because he's fallen out of a tree, he didn't quite pop a wheelie the right way on his bike, and when he tried to be Superman he didn't exactly nail that landing when he jumped off his bed.

I'll just be happy if he doesn't bring swamp critters into our house someday. I mean, ok, we brought home lizards when we were kids, but Arizona lizards are tiny compared to what grows out here.

I can just see the difference now:

My mother, circa 1974 : "No, you can't keep him, he belongs out in the wild. Put him back. I hope it doesn't get eaten by one of the neighborhood cats."

Me, circa 2014: "@#$%! What the @#$% is that??? Get that out of my house, Joseph, before it bites the dog!!"

Sometimes I really miss Arizona, ya know?

Sometimes Things ARE Better Back Home, But...

2006-05-17T10:05:00.000-04:00

I think that the new ranking for Miami being the capital of rude driving since I moved out here over my old hometown of Phoenix (ranked #2) is purely coincidental.

I haven't been driving that much out here, honest!!!

Looking for the Next Big Retirement Hotspot??

2006-05-12T11:16:00.000-04:00

So, maybe you have decided that Costa Rica is now a little out of your price range. But you still want to go somewhere with a beach. Good food is appreciated, and natural beauty is, of course, a plus.

Being a trendsetter, you don't want to go where everyone else has been. So....I think I might have found the place for you.

It's not on the Caribbean, but it still has warm water and (for now) reasonable prices......plus it's convenient to a lot of other wonderful tourist meccas. Take a guess as to where it is before you click. I bet it's somewhere you had not previously considered.....

Not the Year of the Mouse in Hong Kong....

2006-05-12T08:32:00.000-04:00

No sirree, it hasn't been an easy ride for Disneyland in Hong Kong.

First there were bugs in the hotel....then there was the controversy over shark-fin soup. Not to mention the complaints that souvenirs for sale in the park were made in sweatshops on the Chinese mainland, and that the only classic Disney ride at the park was Space Mountain. (Autopia is scheduled to open in 2006, with maybe the Pirates of the Caribbean coming afterwards.)

Now the complaints are that the park is too small, the costumes worn by the cast members are too hot, and the company is screwing over the local tourist agencies with cheap commissions and demands for early booking for large groups.

With only 16 rides (compared to 52 in it's California park), the locals now have a more negative perception of Disney than they did before the park opened.

Want to see the least Happiest Place on Earth for yourself?

Tickets top out at approximately $45 ($325 HKD) for adults during peak seasons. Kids 3 to 11 top out at about $32.25 ($250). Kids under three get in for free.

Whatever you do, don't try to get in during Chinese New Year. You have been warned.....

A Public Service From the Jet Set Chick

2006-05-07T09:24:00.000-04:00

This is a little personal, but I still thought it was important enough to share.

As I posted earlier, I got an amniocentesis done this week. There was something that got messed up that could have been very serious (but fortunately easy to fix).

After I had the amnio, me & my husband were driving back home. I remembered reading something about Rh negative women needing a Rhogam shot any time they get an invasive procedure done involving their pregnancies. If an amnio isn't invasive, I don't know what is....

I decided to call the office to make sure what I had read was correct. Sure enough, after the receptionist checked, the doctor came on the line and told me to come back immediately for a Rhogam shot. (The Tsar almost took out two other cars with the U-turn he executed, but that's another story...) Even though it's all over the place in my file, they still missed it and didn't give me the shot right after the procedure. They might not have ever caught it if I hadn't said anything.

Got the shot, and got a little ID card to carry in my purse in case of emergency. It says when I got the shot and who the manufacturer is. It also says that in the future, if I should have a miscarriage or abortion, or if my baby is born with Rh positive blood, I need to get another shot within 72 hours.

I don't know if any of you know much about Rh incompatibility, but without that shot, I could develop antibodies to my baby's blood. (About 15 percent of the population has Rh negative blood.) There is no way to tell if our little girl is Rh positive until she is born.

They've pretty much stopped testing the guy the woman says is the father to see if there will be a problem. That's how my mother got out of having the shot....my dad was Rh negative, too. They just assume all women with Rh negative blood will need the shot nowadays, and give it to them. The Tsar hates getting his blood drawn, so he was relieved about that. ;)

Chances are, even without the shot, our little girl would be ok if she were Rh positive. However, any future little brothers or sisters that might have Rh positive blood could be born very sick or even die before birth because my immune system would attack them.

I think part of the reason hubby was so worried was that when he was growing up in Russia, he knew two sisters who were affected by Rh incompatibility. The older sister was fine, but her younger sister required a transfusion at birth and was kind of sickly growing up.

Be careful....and spread the word to any lady you know who is expecting or may be in the future!

We're Just Tickled Pink Here at the Jet Set Lounge!!!

2006-05-04T15:50:00.000-04:00

I know that this page has been pink since the beginning of this blog, but now there's an extra special reason for it to be that color.

We just got back from the doctor's office a couple of hours ago. I had an amniocentesis done to make sure everything is ok with the little one. It looks good so far on the sonogram, so we are cautiously optimistic about the results on the 16th. We did find out what Bubba is going to be according to the good doctor, though.

Drum roll, please......

Her name is Katharina Alyona, and so far, she's doing wonderfully! We're calling her Katya for short.

I better make sure me & the Tsar have our running shoes on standby, because if what we saw on the sonogram is any predictor of our future, she's one hyper little thing. I'm amazed I haven't felt anything other than butterfly flutters yet, since it looked like she was Thai kickboxing in there!

We did get a couple of pictures, of course. I like the one that's a shot of her head from face-on. She looks like an alien!

The Tsar got to hear her heartbeat for the first time today, and he's already practicing lines for when Katya's teenage dates show up. The favorites so far are: "American prisons ain't #$%^ compared to Russian prisons, trust me, I know.....the Florida penitentiary system don't frighten me......you ever see a 45 with a laser sight, boy???" I'm sure there will someday be a reference to my past job with a police department and that I promised to help him hide the bodies real good, too.

I've got to take it easy for the rest of the day. That won't be difficult, since I feel like I got kicked in the tummy and it hurts to laugh. But tomorrow...I'm getting some of those cute Easter dresses on markdown for our little future beach bunny.

Peace, love, happiness, prosperity and chocolate chip cookies to all, and take care!

How to Spot a Loser, Part 45

2006-05-02T07:24:00.000-04:00

Maybe I'm being harsh, I admit.

If me & the Tsar have a little girl, I want her to see this site when she's older so she has an idea of who NOT to date. If we have a little boy, I want him to see it so he knows how NOT to come across as a desperate dweeb.

(No, we don't know yet, but will soon, and believe me, we'll post the results here ASAP!!!)

I have no idea if it actually worked or not. All I know is, if you have to "sell yourself" this hard to a prospective sweetie, you are generally wasting your time and really should just move on.

Now Featured at the Alferd Packer Cafe!

2006-05-02T06:56:00.000-04:00

Let's say that you are a cannibal, but, after going to PETA brainwashing sessions, you have decided to give up having your fellow humans for lunch (literally). However, you have begun to crave a slab of "long pig". You don't want to go back to your old Hannibal Lecter ways, since your new friends really wouldn't understand.

What do you do??

Before you break out the cutlery and start sizing up the neighbors, you might want to check out this site.

Note: there's no actual product for sale at this site, but you can get a t-shirt suitable for wearing to Pamela Anderson's house.

Finally, My Dream Job!!

2006-05-01T11:39:00.000-04:00

I'm not kidding....this really does sound damn good. If I wasn't expecting a little one soon, you damn straight I'd be applying for this job in the Keys! What's not to love?

But in the meantime, I have to celebrate "Day Without an Illegal Immigrant" by shopping, and maybe by seeing "United 93". Hope you are all enjoying this late spring/early summer day, wherever you are!

What Time Of Day Are You?

2006-04-28T16:48:00.000-04:00

You Are Sunset

Even though you still may be young, you already feel like you've accomplished a lot in life.

And you feel free to pave your own path now, and you're not even sure where it will take you.

Maybe you'll pursue higher education in a subject you enjoy - or travel the world for a few years.

Either way, you approach life with a relaxed, open attitude. And that will take you far!

What Time Of Day Are You?

Tip o' the hat to Miss Midnight, aka Scone at Midnight...

Hey, it fits, and besides.....I come from the state with the most beautiful sunsets anywhere....

Not Exactly "Summer Camp"

2006-04-28T16:33:00.000-04:00

Wanna break the law? Lord knows I've been tempted, especially when I have had to deal with someone who, in my opinion, "needs killin'".

(First off, make sure you are doing a federal crime if you want to go to one of the nicer Graybar Hotels. State penitentiaries are not the kind of place for a gentle stay....I don't care what state you are in, they don't compare to federal prisons.)

You've decided you can do the time, so you did the crime. Now....where to serve out your sentence? Click here to find out where the experts recommend you repay society. The prison camps here offer everything from a bookmobile to paralegal training.

It's not like the old days, when there golf courses and lobster bakes at Eglin Federal Prison Camp, but it sure beats Sing Sing!

Near a Ben & Jerry's??

2006-04-25T11:26:00.000-04:00

If it is partcipating in Free Cone Day, what are you waiting for???

Have one for me, there's not one here in Brevard County.....grr.

Knee Defenders Might Be Obsolete on Airbus

2006-04-25T09:46:00.000-04:00

Remember a while back when I mentioned a product designed specifically for the long-legged passenger....the Knee Defender?

Airbus is pitching a new "seating" option to some potential Asian airline customers for the A380, saying that it could possibly accommodate an additional 353 passengers on a plane that normally would seat about 500. Yes, that's a plane that theoretically could carry 853 passengers.

I don't even want to think about how long it would take to get all those butts and carryons off of that plane. Yeesh.

What is this miracle "seating", you ask?

Well....there's no seat. Passengers would be strapped in while standing up against a padded backboard.

Don't believe me? Click here if you are a NY online reader (free registration), or if you prefer not to register, click here for an edited version of the same article.

Could it happen here? Maybe. There is no FAA regulation that states you have to have a seat, just that you have to be secured, and able to reach the aisles in case of emergency exit.

I still wonder if this would be something the American flying public would want, however. On the plus side, no really huge passenger trying to squeeze into their seat and spilling over onto yours, not likely there would be a screaming child next to you, and no reclining problems, but on the other side.....how long are you willing to stand, and how much of a discount are they going to offer you to do it? Is it BYOB back there, or do you get served drinks and/or a snack like the guys in the seats?

My prediction for what's up next....pay toilets. 25 cents for the first three minutes, 25 cents for each minute after that....

I Wonder What the Copyright Laws Are in the UAE?

2006-04-21T12:22:00.000-04:00

Apparently the Muslim world has decided to answer back to South Park's "Muhammad episodes".

Air Arabia, a discount airline flying out of Sharjah in the United Arab Emirates, has little characters on it's website that look a lot like the perpetually snowbound stars of Comedy Central. (The really funny thing is that one of the characters, Kyle, is a Jew. Didn't see any little Hasids on the website when I hit the refresh button. No little versions of Wendy or Cartman, either.)

Should South Park's creators sue? Oh, hell no....they ought to lampoon the crap outta them. Preferably with a slap in at Tom Cruise while they are at it, just because.

The Good News? You (Probably) Ain't Gonna Die Yet

2006-04-21T10:38:00.000-04:00

Yes, the death rate in the good ol' USA dropped, and dropped pretty big, in spite of the fact that according to the media we're all a bunch of fat, lazy hogs who consider flipping the remote a form of aerobic exercise.

(You mean it's not? - ed.)

Biggest gainers in the death lotto were Hispanics, with a 6 percent drop in their death rates, followed by Native Americans at 5.9 percent. Men are also continuing to catch up with their ladies in the lifespan department. Now, the ladies outlive the gents by 5.2 years, with that number shrinking by .1 each year since 1980.

The bad news is.....I guess I gotta save more in my retirement account than I planned. Female life expectancy is heading towards the big 8-0, and no way is the Jet Set Chick going to be fighting the kitties for the last bit of Meow Mix in her golden years.

Palestinian Booming Economy Watch, Part One

2006-04-13T09:49:00.000-04:00

Tired of busy airports clogged with people and grounded flights?

Have I got an airport for you!

Gaza International is now completely under the administration of the Palestinian Authority. The staff shows incredible dedication, I will give them that. They faithfully show up every day for their jobs, including gate agents and baggage smashers.

One tiny little problem....the Israelis ripped up the runways during the Intifada in 2001, and apparently the Palestinians have been really busy doing other things ~~like suicide bombings~~ to rebuild their economy.

The gate agents, bag smashers and the rest of them spend their days shooting the bull. (Actually, it sounds like my dream job....where do I sign? - ed.)

If the rest of the civilized world does follow through on their threats to cut off the Palestinians because of the election of Hamas to power, they might get laid off. But in their defense, they're going on five years without a crash.....surely that must be rewarded? Right?

Damn, I Thought He Was Dead!

2006-04-10T13:28:00.000-04:00

Remember the 70's best-seller "Chariots of the Gods"? Well, he's still around and running a theme park in Switzerland.

I swear, I am not making that up. Check out the weird story for yourself here.

Sharon Stone, Wave Bye-Bye to Your Career....

2006-04-04T08:05:00.000-04:00

I think anyone with five functioning synapses knew that Basic Instinct 2 was going to suck, and could tell that from a mile away.

But how bad is it? Check out the reviews on this site. Ouch!!! Even the reviews classified as endorsements aren't complimentary.

It's sad when reading the reviews is more enjoyable than watching the movie!

Nothing Like a Romantic Meal With Your Sweetie....

2006-04-03T16:14:00.000-04:00

after you've tossed a plate at a sign representing "husband" or "wife" to express your anger at that special someone.

Yes, if you have always wanted to share Filipino delights by candlelight but still have a few issues to work out first, have I got a restaurant for you!!

No Accounting For Taste, I Guess....

2006-04-01T14:09:00.000-04:00

Ok, when I read this I thought it had to be an April Fool's Day joke. Maybe part of it is. But according to Auntie Beeb, Air France and British Airways have decided to ban a Swedish "delicacy" called surstromming.

Wise move, say I. Many things make me kind of queasy right now, but this is definitely something that would make me lose my lunch.

This stuff probably pairs well with durian. Pregnant women aren't supposed to eat durian.....thank God!!

Paging Tolya!!

2006-04-01T09:22:00.000-04:00

That headline is a bit of an inside joke between me & the Tsar. I'll let you in on it.

Tolya is a big bear of a Russian guy. He can (and has) drunk other people under the table, and easily consumed enough food to keep the average family stuffed at dinnertime. We took him once to a German restaurant in Glendale, Arizona. Me & the Tsar were happily munching on an entree for two.....and so was Tolya. Even after eating the double portion, he was still hungry!! He ate an additional sausage plate, and had some more good German beer to wash it all down. Tolya even had dessert afterwards.

Surprisingly, he's not 300 pounds or more, or a raging alkie.

Anyway, there is one guy he deals with often at Honeywell named David. David is, well...decidedly different, as in, he thinks he hides his preferences for close companionship quite well. Uh....nope! Tolya has this rare gift for seeming like he has no idea that he is driving other people slightly insane with innocent seeming actions, and delights in taking David for lunch at Hooters. Just the place for taking a guy who likes men, right??

Tolya claims he likes the beer and wings. However, the only person he ever takes there is David, not any of the other raging horndogs he comes across. Hmmm.....

Tolya won't be able to treat David to a free flight on Hooters Air for much longer, but at least he'll be able to treat him to a weekend at nearby Vegas' Hooters Casino. The old San Remo has been reborn as the latest venture in the scantily clad wing empire. Click on the link to read the review....

And if you see a Russian guy dragging a very uncomfortable looking guy in there, chances are it's Tolya.

You Got a What Passport, Boy??

2006-03-30T10:10:00.000-04:00

Let's say you are an American, and for whatever reason you have decided to renounce your citizenship. However, you want to go down to Bolivia and set off a few bombs, because, well, you're an a$$hole.

Yes, I'm making a value judgment here. Deal with it.

What kind of passport are you likely to use, since your American one is no longer valid?

Well, if re-entry to the United States is not a priority, there's a thing called a "World Passport" that true transnationalists can apply for. It's bright blue, has gold lettering on front, is printed in seven languages, and has on occasion been accepted by (usually) confused customs officials throughout the world. Pony up $45 for three years, and $75 for five, and...maybe it's valid. It depends on where you are going, so either check first or bring a real passport.

Just don't try to use it in Canada, France, Germany, Switzerland or Great Britain, and you too may be able to mystify and confuse customs officials the world over!

Pimp This Ride If You Dare!!

2006-03-29T16:13:00.000-04:00

You never know what you will find on eBay.

Think You Know the Answer?

2006-03-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

By many reports, this country is the safest one in Central America. It has bright blue butterflies, freshwater sharks (!), and is becoming a popular place for rich Norteamericanos to retire.

Yes, I know....it's still part of North America....

But, it's not Costa Rica.

It had a very troubled past, that's true. The country now has a democratically elected government, and has some nice incentives should you wish to run a tourist business.

What country is it? Click here to find the answer....

It's a Niece!!

2006-03-29T11:44:00.000-04:00

Just found out yesterday....the Jet Set Chick and Tsar Charming will soon be welcoming the newest member of our family (27 August or thereabouts)....little Alena Joyce!

Nope, we don't know if Bubba is a boy or a girl yet. It's too soon to tell. But I will tell you a little bit after we find out.

An Answer to the Eternal Question.....

2006-03-28T08:56:00.000-04:00

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Lightbulb?

* Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?

* Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

* Dachshund: I can't reach the lamp!

* Toy Poodle: I'll just talk sweet to the Border collie and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

* Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!

* Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?

* Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

* Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

* Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

* Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

* Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

* Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

* Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

* Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

* Mastiff : Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

* Pit bull: Who needs light? I can still maul your child in the dark.

* Dalmatian: Don't you know that outlet is a FIRE HAZARD?!

* St. Bernard: Light bulbs? You sure you don't want a slug o' brandy?

If a President Should Be Censured, This One Needs It More Than All The Others Ever Did

2006-03-22T10:20:00.000-04:00

Combined, even. Yup, lump in virtually every President from Washington on, and no one deserves it more.

Even before I got totally hormonal with this pregnancy, the mere mention of his name when the Tsar asked me questions about recent American history would easily produce a torrent of obscenities defaming everything from his possible ancestry, dietary preferences, and potential deviant sexual activities. In English, Russian, Spanish, and other foreign languages too, since I was trying not to repeat myself.

Yup, ask anyone in Generation X who was the worst president during their lifetime. They may originally say "Reagan", "Clinton" or one of the Bushes, but mention this asshat, and 95% will agree he was even worse than their original answer. (We just try to blot out his memory as best as we can.)

I mean, damn, even Clinton prefers to hang out with his fellow Republican former presidents! (It might have something to do with the fact that this putz negotiated his own agreement with the North Koreans without conferring with Clinton's administration first. I remember the look in that Bill's eyes when he found out about it at a press conference. That was one angry good ol' boy...no wonder they considered him to be, and I quote, "a treasonous prick".)

Lately, he has found a brand new friend in Hamas. That's right, Hamas, the terrorist group that calls for nuclear destruction of Israel. According to him, we shouldn't cut off funding simply because Hamas is a bunch of crazed, sociopathic killers.

I wish I was making all that crap up, but you know he's actually said that.

If I have a house when that sumbitch dies, and there is a flagpole in the yard, I am under *no* circumstances lowering that flag to half mast.

The above link takes you to an online petition to censure this pompous ass. Sure, it probably won't lead to anything, but damn, it felt good to sign it.

Like, Bitchin', Dude!!

2006-03-22T09:09:00.000-04:00

Note: My hair never DID look like that, although I got some pretty good height from mousse, my curler and a hair dryer on occasion...

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

There Might Be Some Good Deals for Springtime in Paris This Year.....

2006-03-22T08:36:00.000-04:00

If you live in a more touristy part of the country, be prepared to hear slightly less French over the next few weeks, if not months.

The French government has been unable to issue passports to its citizens that meet the US standards, effective 26 October, 2005, and probably won't manage to do it for the next three months or so. All passports issued after that date require a digital photograph. Passports issued after 26 October, 2006 will also require a microchip.

If the issuing nation does not meet the digital photo/microchip standards, travelers from those countries need to obtain a visa prior to visiting America. French travelers, long used to not having to get a visa, now have to apply for one at the extremely busy consulates. (Good luck trying to get an appointment....they're booked up until June.)

Another eeeeeevvvviillll Bush plot? Not exactly. Britain has been issuing digital photograph passports since 2003, and is on track to issue new ones with microchips this fall.

The French government, meanwhile, didn't get their butts in gear until last spring. Then, since the contract for printing the passports was issued to a private firm, the Imprimerie Nationale (the state-owned printer) took the government to court and tied it up in a lawsuit for eight months. The Imprimerie Nationale now has the contract to print them, but is not expected to actually have any good to go for another month.

So...what does that mean for denizens of the Jet Set Lounge?

Be on the lookout for some possible good deals, naturalment! Travel between France and the US is expected to dip as passengers either delay their vacations until they have proper documentation or cancel it altogether. Almost 300,000 of the normal 800,000 French visitors to America may be affected, because either they or someone they will travel with now needs a visa to comply with the new regulations. French travel agents say that bookings are already down 30%.

If you have always wanted to go to Paris but were looking for a great deal, this may be the year your friends get to tell you Bon Voyage!!

Top O' The Mornin' to You!

2006-03-17T18:38:00.000-04:00

Ok, I'm a little late on the greeting, sorry about that. It's a little bit weird not to make my infamous Irish Creme Cake (the things I do for Bubba...), or even make my Irish Stew (the recipe feeds about 10, and we'll be eating it until Easter if I whip some up).

I think the closest we are going to get to what has become my "traditional" celebration is slamming down my new favorite drink, ginger ale. Hey, the can's green, ok??

And, anyone who even tries to pinch me for not wearing green is getting decked. None of my green clothes fit anymore, dammit.

Happy St Paddy's Day to you all from Kory O'!

From The "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" Department...

2006-03-16T17:23:00.000-04:00

I usually prefer to travel with quick-drying Gramicci pants, but a British woman has preferred something a bit more exotic over the past 15 years....a cow costume.

Yes, she wore it while traveling, and says it even saved her life.

I'll never go quite that far in praise for my pants. I'm still not inspired to change my traveling outfit.

Still More Stuff I Ripped Off of Rantburg...

2006-03-16T14:52:00.000-04:00

Check out 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army. I'm just glad Skippy didn't elaborate on the chicken and rice thing....

That's Theresa Bouncing Snail to You!

2006-03-15T17:06:00.000-04:00

Yup, this site helps you to come up with your American Indian name. I found it when lurking in the O-Club at Rantburg. Deacon Blues posted it for all to play with (his Indian name was Bing Distateful Hound).

Bing, er, Deacon, cheer up.....I tried out "Ward Churchill" just for yuks and got Francis Flaky Reindeer.....

Now Leaving From Gate 37....Cheap Airfares

2006-03-14T16:27:00.000-04:00

Airlines are looking for ways to increase their revenues, and with the current economic climate, they think they have found a few more ways to extract $ from your pockets.

Want an aisle seat on Northwest, and you are booking late? Be prepared to pay $15 for the privilege of not tripping over your fellow passengers on the way to the lavatory. They are looking into possibly charging for emergency exit rows and other seats if this should prove to be popular. This follows Air Canada's charge for seat assignments and United's extra charge for its "Economy Plus" seats.

That's not all. Southwest just announced an increase in their maximum fare. The previous $299 cap is now $309 one-way. Considering how they have torked off some of their frequent flyers with changes to their program, it's possible even more passengers might rethink their loyalty to the carrier.

Going to Greenwich Village or Paris?

2006-03-13T13:11:00.000-04:00

Frommer's has a freebie for you, then! You can download MP3s of a suggested walking tour of that famous part of New York or a Parisian tour based on the DaVinci code by clicking here.

Fret not if you can't use the MP3 format. You can also download a pdf file and read along on your own.

Check Out Slide #2

2006-03-10T10:55:00.000-04:00

Never before has #2 been more appropriate.

Have a great weekend!

The Real First Underwater Hotel

2006-03-08T16:56:00.000-04:00

Every now and then I like to look at Slate Magazine. It's like Salon, only without the unmedicated Kos Kids-style hysteria. (Note to Salon editors....bring back Camille Paglia, ok? Your current crop of correspondents suck. Especially that one woman with four kids who wishes one of her sons was gay, simply so that she could go shopping with him when he grows up.)

Slate is actually written by grownups, and even better.....it's free. There's no stupid, dorky ads you have to sit through just to read mediocre crap.

Anyway, check out this article about undersea adventures. Someday, maybe once my little Bubba hits five and I can drop him off at his aunt & uncle's for a visit, I might get to go to one of them. Thank God iving c-cards never expire!!

Love Boat? Maybe Not.....

2006-03-07T14:43:00.000-04:00

The cruise lines work hard to promote a sun-and-fun image, but....are you really safer aboard a ship than you would be on dry land?

Maybe, but, if you happen to become a crime victim....good luck trying to get the perpetrator prosecuted. Crimes aboard ship are the responsibility of the FBI. There is a limit to what they can do for you, however, when the cruise ships clean up the crime scenes and restrict access to witnesses and suspects.

Check out this Time Magazine article online before you pull up anchor.

Ya Read It Here First....

2006-02-28T08:24:00.000-04:00

If you page down to my entry for the 9th, you will see a little blurb about Australia's warning to its citizenry about Reunion Island and it's outbreak of a nasty disease called chikungunya.

According to Auntie Beeb, about one-fifth of the population has come down with it, and it is now spreading to Madagascar and Mauritius. A few cases have even been reported in France, as visitors to the island bring a little souvenir back with them to the mainland. (Reunion Island is a French departement, sorta/kinda like we consider Puerto Rico and Guam to be US territory.) Seventy seven people have died from it or its complications.

About 500 French troops have been deployed to assist the locals with mosquito spraying, and other aid is being prepared to send to the stricken island.

The symptoms are dehydration, extreme pain, and high fever. There is no treatment available for chikungunya (Swahili for "that which bends up").

So....maybe it's time to revisit our favorite travelers' warnings sites and see if there are any updates you gotta know about as you plan your spring break.

Let's start with one I haven't gone to before, but is still a good one to check out. The Centers for Disease Control has some good news to report, actually. Polio outbreaks dating back to 2003 in 21 countries have been eradicated in 15 of them. Be sure your immunizations are current should you be heading to Angola, Ethiopia, Indonesia, Nepal, Somalia and Yemen.

Even better, two countries, Egypt and Niger, which had been considered naturally endemic, have not had a single case in over 12 months, and have been taken off the list of endemic countries. (In case you were wondering who the remaining nations are, they are Afghanistan, India, Nigeria and Pakistan.) India and Pakistan are making progress, and have reported half of the cases that they did in 2004.

The US State Department took a break from stabbing Denmark in the back to issue a warning about traveling to remote parts of Algeria, due to terrorist activity in the northern mountain and southern regions of the country. Be sure you are with reputable tour guides if you insist on venturing there, and don't even think about overland travel at night.

The Aussies advise that you stay out of Indonesia. They claim they have intelligence pointing towards another imminent attack aimed against foreigners and western targets, especially in Bali and Jakarta. Saudi Arabia is also on their no-go if you really don't have to list, due to the strong possibility of terrorist attacks.

Canada has some warnings for you if you are planning on visiting parts of Peru. Sendero Luminoso, or Shining Path, guerillas killed eight policemen in the area of Aucayacu, and has instituted a two month state of emergency in the region. They've deployed troops, and have the authority to break up meetings and raid homes. By the way, watch your step if you are by the border with Ecuador, since there are unexploded land mines in the area. Stay clear of the Colombian border, since every now and then the Peruvian army meets up with Colombian narco-traficante rebels. Just keep your happy butt out of the rainforest there, m'kay??

The Brits have the usual warnings. However, they have joined up with Lonely Planet to issue a guide with basic travel info for their citizens traveling abroad. Best part is, you can download it for free to your computer if you are so inclined. The link provides a few options for "Travel Safe" downloads.

Take care out there, and have a great trip if you are heading to a foreign shore. The Tsar and I will keep you posted on our possible voyages......who knows, I might actually get to meet my in-laws in Moscow in the next few months if the doctor gives me the ok to travel!

I gotta start brushing up on my Russian....

Bankruptcy....It's Not Just For United States Carriers Anymore!

2006-02-28T08:13:00.000-04:00

Let's pretend you are running a national flag carrier. 114 out of your 118 domestic routes lose money, and of your international routes, 66 of them lose money.

That's bad, even by our bankruptcy court-addicted domestic airlines' standards. However, it's the ugly reality now being faced by the Jet Set Brother's favorite foreign carrier, Malaysian Airlines.

The three months ending in December put them about $166 million in the hole. They're looking for a little over $1 billion to keep them afloat.

So, anyone out there wanna make an offer for their deluxe HQ in beautiful downtown Kuala Lumpur? All serious offers considered....

Can't Make it to N'Awlins?

2006-02-27T23:08:00.000-04:00

You can still celebrate Mardi Gras at yer local IHOP from 7 am to 2 pm.

Every guest gets a free short stack of pancakes....they ask that you make a donation to a charity in return.

Mmmmm.....pancakes......

Think You Know the Answer?

2006-02-27T20:53:00.000-04:00

The role of Detective Harry Callahan, a/k/a Dirty Harry, made Clint Eastwood a superstar.

However, he was not the first choice for the role. The original actor had to bow out when he broke a finger.

Here's a hint....he turned down the lead role in "Death Wish". That role made my fellow Litvak Charles Bronson famous.

Think you know who it was???

Click here to see if you are right.....

Venezuela Says "Manana" on Deadline

2006-02-27T19:58:00.000-04:00

Don't throw out your tickets to Caracas on American, Delta and Continental just yet, dahlinks!

Hugo "Castro Jr, but without the great beard" Chavez's government has decided to extend talks after the affected airlines complained. Venezuela's panties are in a bunch over restrictions their carriers face in the competitive US market.

The new deadline is 30 March, and talks to resolve the situation are continuing.

Teen Slut Put on Birth Control!!

2006-02-24T09:34:00.000-04:00

Sorry, couldn't resist the headline. It's not what you were probably thinking anyway.

And You Thought Colorado Was the Land of Sky Blue Waters?

2006-02-24T09:29:00.000-04:00

No, my friend, you have been misled by those stupid old Coors ads from way back. But it does exist.

It's actually in my home state of Arizona. Havasupai Falls is a delightful oasis in the Canyonlands. The water is much warmer than in the Canyon, and it really is sky blue. No kidding.

Read more about this lesser-known gem here.

Guardian Angels in Venice?

2006-02-24T08:43:00.000-04:00

Ok, technically, they may not be angels, but if a pickpocket targets you in the City of Canals, the Cittadini Non Distratti (Undistracted Citizens) might be your new best friends.

A citizen's group has been a major player in lowering the amount of pickpocketing going on, much to the dismay of the criminals and one deservedly embarrassed local government official. However, the locals and the police squad responsible for targeting this kind of crime are very happy with them. Read more about the group here.

I Leave Arizona For a Few Months.....

2006-02-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

And stopped being acclimated to my ol' hometown of Phoenix.

First, a little travel advisory to those of you renting a car at the convenient Sky Harbor airport location. Yes, they do have a spiffy new centralized rental car agency location, with every single company represented. I sure hope you appreciate the architecture and the shuttle bus there, because you are going to pay for that.

How much, you ask? Try adding approximately 50% in taxes and fees to the stated rental rate.

Yup. You read that right.

It may be worth your while to take a cab to a location a couple of miles away if you are heading to the Valley of the Sunny Pollution.

Speaking of pollution, be sure to pack plenty of eye drops until Phoenix gets some rain. Me & the Tsar were ready to claw our eyes out the first night. It is that bad. Half the sales clerks we ran into were having what looked like allergy attacks, and the pollen readings out there aren't that bad. Everyone was griping about the crappy air. They have gone 120 some days without rain, and there is not a drop forecasted any time soon.

Asthmatics should definitely not even think about heading out there without their inhalers, either. (I forgot mine back in Florida. I got spoiled by my lack of need here in the Sunshine State and didn't remember to bring it. Not a good move on my part.)

Before I get a bunch of "stop hatin' on P-town" crap, I did enjoy the sunrise I got to watch while enjoying my whole wheat bagel with jalapeno cream cheese and a well-prepared cuppa. All that pollution and dust is good for something. And of course, they know how to make spicy food out there. This native (I have the birth certificate to prove it, pal) missed her version of "soul food". We stocked up on Trader Joe's, caught up with our old friends, and heard my future niece or nephew's heartbeat for the first time.

But, still.....it didn't feel like home any more. Me & the Tsar both couldn't wait to get to Orlando, step off the plane, and feel that blast of humidity as we came down the jetway. Sure, it was contaminated with airplane fumes. Compared to Phoenix, it was sweet as a meadow breeze. We drove back to the Space Coast with the windows rolled down and felt our skin and lungs forgiving us for the last few days.

Thank God it's the Jet Set Brother and his lovely bride's turn to come fly out here for the next family reunion!

Best of Everything to My Favorite Soon-to-Be Newlyweds!

2006-02-16T09:28:00.000-04:00

Ladies of the world, yet another good guy is off the market, effective Saturday.

My little brother has found the lady of his dreams, and will make an honest woman out of her on that day.

And so, in honor of George and Mary and their new life together, a traditional Irish blessing:

May you have love that never ends,

Lots of money, and lots of friends,

Health be yours, whatever you do,

And may God send many blessings to you.

I'll be off on hiatus until about Tuesday or so in the lovely Valley of the Sun. Take care and have a good weekend!

Hawaiian Airlines Hopping Mad About Island Hopping Competition

2006-02-16T09:24:00.000-04:00

It can be ugly when former business partners attempt to use confidential info against each other.....or at least, that's what Hawaiian Airlines claims about Mesa Airlines' plans to offer interisland fares as low as $43.

Nothing says "Die, dammit, die!" like a lawsuit.

Hawaiian claims that Mesa used over 2000 pages of confidential info to plot their new strategy of cheap island hopping fares.

Score One for Southwest Airlines

2006-02-16T07:27:00.000-04:00

A woman so obese that she required two seats lost her case against Southwest Airlines when she apparently annoyed everyone with her behavior.

One of the jurors said he initially sympathized with Nadine Thompson, but her lack of evidence that she was targeted because of her race (Thompson is black), plus the testimony of how rude she was to the Southwest employees when told she would need another ticket, convinced them to decide against her and for the airline. One of the jurors, Lance Hellman, stated they were particularly swayed by the testimony of one of the employees who claimed that the plaintiff called him "a racist (bleep)" .

That was the newspaper's choice of words, honest. Fill in the blank as you will.

Ms Thompson will not appeal the verdict, implying that the all-white jury was also racist.

This Year's Valentines Go To....

2006-02-14T09:40:00.000-04:00

Denmark, for reminding us all that the most threatening thing in the world is freedom of speech.

That tiny country is really taking it in the shorts, not only with rent-a-mobs going batshiat crazy in all of the usual Islamic "centers of learning and explosives", but also from their partners in the European Union who aren't backing them up like they should.

Our State Department isn't backing them up either. Big shocker there.

And, of course, our media conglomerations are showing that they have no damn spine. I'm disgusted with them, frankly. The Fisrt Amendment? That only applies when they are sure their targets are going to act civilized (CIA, evangelicals and Catholics annoyed by "Piss Christ"), not the ones who might hurt them (crazed guys in turbans calling for beheading of infidels). In the second case, they do the journalistic equivalent of Stockholm Syndrome.

Apparently taking a page from the old Pravda stylebook, they feel that telling us the cartoons are offensive is enough. We aren't mature enough to look at them and make up our own damn minds if they are or not. After all, they have degrees in journalism and are much smarter than we are.

(Side note: I remember when I went to Arizona State. It seemed like the ugly communications school students went into journalism. The ugly ones with decent voices sometimes chose radio. The cute ones went into television. But none of them were towering intellects. I know. I started out as a communication major, but found myself wanting classes with actual intellectual vigor and not discussions of mind-melding a la Spock or dusty old theories of Marshall McLuhan. Heaven help me, I was engaged to another communications major at one time....but my tastes improved with wisdom, age....and exposure to the real world outside of school.)

Since I still have to get better at HTML, here's the offending cartoons. I trust you to make up your own minds about them.

Another Valentine goes to Ayaan Hirsi Ali.

For those of you not familiar with her, she is a Somali refugee turned Dutch legislator who has been an outspoken critic of Islamic extremism. She collaborated with the filmmaker Theo van Gogh on a movie called "Submission". The movie offended some Moroccans in Holland, and Mr van Gogh paid for this "offense" with his life. Ms Ali was forced to go into hiding after similar threats were made against her.

To her credit, she has shown that she will not be silenced even in the face of personal danger. This editorial by Ayaan Hirsi Ali is a prime example.

A third Valentine goes to a blogger by the alias of "Big Pharoah". If some of his co-religionists got their panties in a bunch over those cartoons, they sure aren't going to like what he wrote here.

They are my heroes on this Valentine's Day.

I'm going to go get a tin of Danish butter cookies and salute them all.

Still Hanging in There!

2006-02-14T09:32:00.000-04:00

Hey there, fellow denizens of the Jet Set Lounge!

I'm still here, but have to meet two conditions when I post:

1) Have to sneak in and use the computer when the Tsar doesn't need it for work, and

2) Have to be awake and not too green around the gills. Considering the Tsar's new nickname for me is "Napster", well....let me put it this way. After decades of hyperactivity on my part, I think I finally found the cure.

How my mother did this twice, I'll never know. We just might adopt the second one if it keeps being this fun.

In the meantime, here's a little article from the Miami Herald about the joys of traveling solo. (Hey, it's Valentine's Day.....how you gonna pick up that hottie in a faraway place if your traveling companion is a howling dork?)

Travel Warning Update

2006-02-09T09:05:00.000-04:00

Whilst I sit here enjoying the lovely tropical morning with a bit of Danish butter cookies, let's peruse what the big English-speaking guvmints are telling their populace about international travel.....

Australia is advising their citizenry about an outbreak of Chikungunya on Reunion Island and the Seychelles. It is a nasty mosquito-spread virus that causes a very high fever, severe rash and horrible pain in the joints. It can kill the elderly and newborns if they catch it. About five percent of the population of Reunion (a part of France just off the coast of Africa) has been infected. There is no known treatment except waiting it out. This disease also has no known vaccine. Lovely.

(As a side note, the French Government also advises against travel to the African nation of the Comoros for the same reason. Heh.....good thing to be multilingual, ain't it!)

Canada has issued a warning about Caracas' Simon Bolivar "Maiquetia" International Airport. The old road leading to the airport has been closed due to structural damage, and the alternate route is is in bad shape. Plus, the bad neighborhoods it passes through has convinced the local authorities to open up seven military posts along the road.

I'm not sure how many are along the road to Baghdad International, but it looks like we have another contender for the "Most Hazardous Trip Before Boarding Your Flight" award....

Meanwhile, Britain is closing their High Commission in Tonga, and reporting that thefts are on the upswing. If you are a Brit needing assistance, contact the New Zealanders.

Speaking of the Kiwis, they are the only ones to report some good news, at least for those of you heading to the Solomon Islands. Law and order is being restored and the threats against traveler safety have been reduced.

Last but not least, the US State Department has issued a warning about the Sudan. Why anyone would want to go there is beyond me, but if you insist....be sure to register with the embassy in Cairo first. Oh, and be sure to duck the flying rocks the locals like to wing at Westerners.

I wish I could say what the Germans are telling their people, but the party places they list are pretty much what everyone else has already warned about.

Of course, all countries advise against going to wonderful tourist meccas like Bangladesh, parts of the Middle East known for protests featuring slogans like "Death to the Infidels!", etc.

Well, I'm out of cookies and out of time. The Tsar is working from home for a bit, so my access to the 'puter will be limited. Don't think that I've forgotten you guys and gals in the Jet Set Lounge!

Bonnes Voyages!!

Get Well Soon, Deacon Blues!!

2006-02-02T11:29:00.000-04:00

Was finally able to get back to Rantburg after days of not being able to access it....what happened, anyway? Ah, nevermind....and found out that Jet Set Lounge denizen Deacon Blues done broke his foot at the end of last month.

Ouch!

Hope you are healing up nicely, completely and quickly!!!

New Travel Accessory.....Small Denominations?

2006-02-02T11:20:00.000-04:00

Get ready to pay for more formerly free things when you fly. We may soon see the demise of the complimentary soda and nut "snack", among other things, according to this article.

There is one thing that Ms Weston thinks should be an extra that I think is way warped, however. I hope that they don't accept her idea that more "desirable" seats (as in, anything other than a middle seat) come with a premium charge. I'm 5'8", and have long legs. A blessing, yes, but assuredly not when you are in a plane and rely on the aisle seats to make a long trip bearable. We won't get into the Jet Set Brother's trials and tribulations with his over 6' frame.....

Yes, It's About Diapers, But It's Travel Related....Promise!

2006-01-31T12:57:00.000-04:00

This isn't going to be a pregnancy blog from now on, I swear. It's still going to focus on travel.

But, courtesy of the Jet Set Brother, here's something I really didn't want to think about in regards to Chinese New Year festivities.

If you're in the Middle Kingdom for the celebration, stick to planes. Yeesh!!!

What Kind of Sports Car Are YOU???

2006-01-26T10:11:00.000-04:00

Hat tip to Instapundit....

I'm a Ferrari 360 Modena!

You've got it all. Power, passion, precision, and style. You're sensuous, exotic, and temperamental. Sure, you're expensive and high-maintenance, but you're worth it.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Just When I Could Probably Really Use a Drink.....I Gotta Pass

2006-01-26T08:21:00.000-04:00

"Cocktail of the Week" was a semi-regular feature here at the ol' Jet Set Chick. This year, it's going on hiatus till at least October.

Yes, I done got myself in a family way, which is why I didn't post here for a few days. I figured if I did try to post, I was going to have a hell of a time not spilling the beans before I could tell the Tsar.

Since he's the daddy, I figured he should be the first to know (well, ok....after the Jet Set Dogs, my entire OB/GYN's office and the people in the waiting room at the time, and a few people at the hospital where I went to get the blood test to confirm the results). It's been the hardest secret I have ever had to keep. The Tsar's birthday was yesterday, and I told him with a "I Love You, Daddy!" birthday card with two teddy bears on the front.

When he was finally able to speak, most of the words he was able to say were, "Wow." and "this is the best birthday present ever." Then he said, "no wonder you didn't want any beer at the brewpub at dinner."

I guess he's pleased.

Anyway, until we know if it is a boy or a girl, it's Bubba the Hitchhiker. All we do know about Bubba is.....Bubba does not like hamburgers, and isn't crazy about chocolate either. That last one, especially, is a surprise to us, considering I am (or at least was until recently) a chocoholic.

So, if there is an extended abscence on my part around here, say, approximately 2 October, give or take a couple of weeks, you know where I am. The maternity ward. That's not exactly where I wanted to spend my next birthday (yup, my due date is my birthday), but for Bubba I'll make an exception.

BTW, if any of you can think of a good name to go with "Alyona" if it is a girl, that would definitely be appreciated. The Tsar wants that in her name, either as a first or middle name. If it's a boy, it's either Joseph Michael or Joseph Mikhail in honor of the grandfathers. The grandmothers' names, Josephine and Marina, aren't even possibilities. Big nyet to that idea.

I think I know now why expectant mothers are queasy. That weird combination feeling of happiness and anticipation with a touch of being terrified could give anyone a little funny feeling in the tummy. 'Scuse me a bit, I gotta go get the featured beverage of the month around here. Ginger ale.

The Aussies Tell You Where to Go, Mate!! And When!!

2006-01-20T10:55:00.000-04:00

I wish I had a good reason for slacking off around here, but I honestly don't. I can't even blame Maureen Dowd's Are Men Necessary? for tearing me away from my duties at the Jet Set Chick.

Let me save you some time....in case you didn't already know, the book sucks. I still have no idea how I managed to get through the first chapter, but was fascinated to hear that the only reason the Tsar was interested in marrying me was because I am his "inferior".

And all this time I thought it was because he liked my accent when I speak Russian, and I didn't drag him to a co-ed baby shower on our second date. (Yes, we were invited to go. Since I actually was looking forward to this date and wanted to see the Tsar again, I suggested we skip and go to a movie instead. He was so relieved, he even went voluntarily to a sort of chick flick.)

No wonder this was still hanging out in the local library branch's "Stellar Sellers" section, gathering dust. My bad for ignoring the sign right there.

Don't ask me about anything other than the first chapter and part of the second. I still think she should have called it something like....well...."Meow Mix" would have worked nicely. It's catty and skips all over the place.

Oh, yeah, this is supposed to be, more or less, a travel related site. So here goes....don't take that book on your next flight.

You're welcome. Remember, I'm here to help.

And the best way I know how to help, if one of your resolutions includes traveling more, is to give you ideas of where to go. A nice list of some of the more suprising times to visit countries around the world has been helpfully provided by the Sydney Morning Herald.

My only quibble? Their suggestion that Finland is a good place to visit any time of the year. Trust me on this, dahlinks.....Sweden. Go for Sweden, especially Stockholm.

I Leave Arizona For a Couple of Months....

2006-01-12T10:54:00.000-04:00

And someone I used to know professionally gets national attention in a CNN article.

Back in the day, when I thought I would have wanted to become a police officer in the fair city of Phoenix (population: too damn many.....), I spent my time while preparing for the Academy as a civilian employee of the department. I did a lot of different things there, but the most, um, challenging assignment was as a parking enforcement officer.

(Cue "Lovely Rita" here. And yes, I worked that little outfit as much as it was possible to do.)

I often ended up in Judge Freeman's court. People seemed to think that if they challenged the ticket I wouldn't show up. Heh, heh, heh.....besides, in summer, do you really think I would pass up the opportunity to spend a morning in an air-conditioned court, when my only other option was to write additional tickets in the heat? Uh, nope!

Besides, you should have heard some of the goofy excuses that people would come up with for breaking the laws of traffic and parking. You knew it was a classic when other people waiting to present their cases rolled their eyes and groaned.

"I've never seen a parking meter before and had no idea what it was meant to do."

"My rear bumper wasn't in the red zone, so since my whole vehicle wasn't in there, it shouldn't count."

"If someone wanted the handicapped space, all they would have had to do is ask me to move."

I always liked that one....like where is the handicapped guy gonna park so he can crawl over to tell you to get your lazy ass outta the space?

"I shouldn't get this ticket for blocking the hydrant since there was no fire in the area."

"My plate wasn't that expired."

"Yeah, the meter was bagged....the bag did say no parking....but I left the motor running, so I didn't park. I paused."

Judge Freeman and the other honorable public servants on the municipal court docket had the much harder job. At least I could laugh at the above stupid statements. They had to keep a straight face.

Every now and then, however, you could see a little flash in their eyes when they heard a particularily stupid argument. Especially in Judge Freeman's court, you could see him give a certain kind of stare to a defendant making a really, really dumb statement.

I'm sure he gave that kind of stare to Miss Dickinson, who argued that she should be allowed to use a HOV lane because she's pregnant. That's it. She wasn't racing to the hospital for medical attention, either. She was just preggers, did not claim any medical complications, and thought that her unborn baby should count as a passenger.

I guess she's arguing that she had two people behind the wheel. That's against the law in Arizona and most other states. By that logic, my sister-in-law-to-be wouldn't be allowed to drive. (Something tells me she would argue that the kid doesn't count in that circumstance, however.)

After apparently consulting with the legal geniuses at Arizona Right to Life, they decided to take this case on. They presented several instances in Arizona Revised Statutes that treat the unborn child as a legal person in its own right. Of course, they conveniently overlooked the fact that the instances were for things that could result in the death and/or injury of an unborn child.

There is nothing in the state laws, county codes, or city ordinances that relate to the unborn child as a legal person independent of the mother for any other circumstances besides potential or actual fetal death or injury. No one is legally obligated to make a pregnant woman's life easier. There is only the force of good manners.

Speaking of good manners, Miss Dickerson thought that she could ignore them by going into the HOV lane without additional passengers. That's kinda rude! (But I digress.)

I would be more tempted to accept her argument if she would insist on paying double fare when she rides the bus, buying a second ticket if she were to fly on a plane, paying for two at an all you can eat buffet, or getting another ticket when she goes to the movie. After all, she's got a passenger on board, right?

Somehow, I don't think she's offered to do any of that. I've never met a pregnant woman who has, nor have I heard of any cases where a pregnant woman was charged double for any of those reasons.

Anyone who would suggest any of the above justifications for charging a pregnant woman more would be either brave or stupid. Definitely stupid, because under Federal law, that would be discriminatory.

Under Federal law, there are many statutes that specifically prohibit pregnant women from being treated differently than any other woman. They are not supposed to be treated any differently when applying for jobs, housing, you name it. It goes even further and prohibits discrimination against women because they might become pregnant in areas like hiring. The only possible "defense", as it were, to a charge of discrimination in hiring is for cases that would put an unborn child at risk.

If, after she had been stopped, she would have told the officer her pregnancy was at risk, an ambulance would have been dispatched immediately to assist her. That is standard Phoenix Police Department procedure for any circumstance that could have put an unborn baby at risk. Ambulances were routinely dispatched for things like minor fender-benders, a pregnant woman getting hit in the arm, you name it. No citation would ever have been issued.

Got that, Miss Dickerson? Your inconvenience at having to wait in traffic does not justify your bad manners in bogarting the HOV lane. I am certain that other women, some of whom may have been pregnant or thought they might be, were in the lanes next to you, but they didn't think they were so special as to hog the lane simply because they are expecting. By your own arguments, you were not rushing to save the life of your unborn child.

If you needed any further proof of Miss Dickerson's lack of common sense, or even shame, here it is. Not content with wasting Judge Freeman's court time, or the money of Phoenix taxpayers, Miss Dickinson is going to waste Arizona taxpayer money by fighting it in Superior Court.

Never mind that the "I'm pregnant so I should be allowed to drive in the HOV lane" argument has been made before, and been struck down each time.

Never mind that the money could be used for things Arizona Right to Life should be for, like the state's underfunded foster care system, or to promote adoption of special kids.

Never mind that she makes the rest of us pro-lifers look like complete, selfish tools.

Never mind that she is most likely fighting this only because she doesn't want to pay over $400 in fines. Yes, $400 in fines. It is the most expensive citation an officer can write in the Grand Canyon State, higher even than driving without a license, driving without insurance, or having current registration.

Maybe that's why she's fighting it....ya think?......nahh.....it wouldn't be anything so crass as that, would it?

Call me jaded, but I bet that's why. After all, that could go for a really cute crib set...sorry....vital birth expenses.

She's lucky she only faced Judge Freeman. I would have jacked that ticket up as high as I could, and directed the money to Aid to Adoption of Special Kids. Those kids need every dime they can get, not selfish broads who think traffic laws don't apply to them.

I just hope the kid doesn't take after mama in that way.

(Editor's note: Yes, she used the word "broad". You should have seen what word she really wanted to use! Oy!)

Get to This Beach Before it's "Discovered"

2006-01-11T11:47:00.000-04:00

It's not a country that people think of as a tourist attraction, but Cambodia has some sites of incredible beauty.

Angkor Wat, the abandoned temple complex, has long been the nation's claim to fame. However, recently there has been a building boom along the Cambodian coast in Sihanoukville. Just think of this....a four star hotel on the beach for $125, fine French-style cuisine for $5-14 per entree, top notch seafood, and a new bakery featuring Western-style pastries. You might even catch up on that beach reading you've been planning, since there is not a huge nightlife scene....yet.

Bangkok Airways is planning on adding service to the area since the runway will be strengthened and resurfaced this spring. There are no direct flights right now.

Remember.....you heard it here first on the Jet Set Chick, via the International Herald Tribune.....

Maybe You Can Make Some Money on Your Next Trip in Europe?

2006-01-10T12:27:00.000-04:00

Under new EU laws upheld by the European Court of Justice, it may theoretically be possible to get more in compensation when you are bumped off a flight than what you originally paid for the ticket.

Don't believe me? Go read the article and find out for yourself.

Did Somebody Say, FREE???

2006-01-05T08:24:00.000-04:00

Yes, I did! Get yer happy butts over to Ryanair's website by midnight London time, and you just might be able to travel for free.

Pay the taxes and some other charges, and you can wing your way around Europe until 25 March for free. No lie.

C'mon, you know what to do.....pack some sweaters, and send me a postcard!

Another "Lost Bird" to Join the Flock....

2006-01-05T07:58:00.000-04:00

Independence Air will cease operations tonight with its 7:26 pm flight from Westchester, NY to Washington's Dulles. The airline was a favorite with the traveling public, but could not make a profit in it's 19 months as a, well, independent carrier.

It started as a commuter line for United and Delta along the East Coast. High fuel costs, plus the lowered costs of their rivals in bankruptcy, have been blamed for the carrier's demise.

So, what does that mean for the traveling public?

Well....if you have a ticket on Independence for travel after today's date, other airlines are required to honor it for standby travel on the same route. They can charge you up to $50 according to a federal law enacted after September 11. If you had that ticket as a frequent flyer in their iClub, however....you are outta luck. If there were fees associated with that free flight or voucher, you might get that back after the bankruptcy court winds everything up.

Expect to see airfares go up in Independence's markets (the Northeast from Maine to DC). JetBlue is scheduled to start service between Boston's Logan and Dulles on the 17th, so that might help keep prices down along that route. The major carriers that were their competition (United, Delta and US Airways) are likely to jack up the airfares ASAP.

How To Tell If Your Marriage is in Trouble

2006-01-04T16:31:00.000-04:00

Man, I love Florida! I thought Arizona was weird, but noooooo....

We Zonies didn't have stories like this.

Yes, I Married an Alien, and I Can Prove It!

2006-01-04T14:31:00.000-04:00

Ok, ok....the Tsar is classified by immigration as a "resident alien". Bad joke, I know.

However, for the rest of you who are wondering if....well....maybe that person you were kissing at midnight on New Year's Eve was not a fellow homo sapien, here are some ways to determine if any of your past hook-ups were more out of this world than you thought, courtesy of InChelsea.com.

If you have determined that you've been lucky...so far....but you're not sure about your upcoming blind date with a person your buddy has described as "outta this world", use this product. You'll have nothing to fear.

You might turn off a real Earthling, however. It's your call!

So....How's Your New Year So Far?

2006-01-03T14:32:00.000-04:00

It started off rather sedately here on the Space Coast. The Tsar had his yearly bout with bronchitis, and my first toast to 2006 was a shot of Nyquil.

Sure hope yours was better!

Anyway, we're planning to go back to Phoenix mid February for the Jet Set Brother's wedding. It ought to be, um, interesting. All I can say is......I really, really appreciate my in-laws in Russia more than I ever did before. Compared to what my brother's getting, they are absolute angels and saints. I will happily go off to work to pay their rent, if needed.

I'm not kidding.

My brother was going to pony up for airfare for his future father-in-law, his fiancee and her daughter.....but ever since the father-in-law had a hissy about the wedding not being in Texas (brother & fiancee, along with almost all of their friends live in Arizona....but, hey, not HIS problem, right?), still hasn't made up his mind about whether he will walk the bride down the aisle or not, and has started to blame the bride for his pending breakup with his fiancee even though she hasn't been near the family homestead in six months, well....let's say the offer has been withdrawn till further notice.

It's gotten to be sort of a car crash scenario going on here. I hate to look, but can't resist the next installment of "Psychoville, Texas"!

(Editor's note...I like Texas. So does the bro. I almost moved to Houston, and he almost headed out to Dallas in 2000. I have the sneaking suspicion my bro ain't heading to the Lone Star State until the in-laws decamp, however. Maybe he'll go to El Paso, but that's as close to these people as he would want to get. I just hope they don't decide to give Florida a spin....this state is weird enough as it is. Plus, I would hate for one of the alligators to get indigestion after chomping on Daddy Dear's ass.)

So, just to have some fun, I think it would be interesting to see how anyone else would send these folks off to my brother's wedding. Comfort is not a priority. Economy is a definite plus, but not required. Extras like meals, seat with a view, fresh linens, are optional, but definitely not required. The only limitation....they have to arrive in one piece. Folded, ok. Spindled? No. No wet spills, or anything requiring medical attention, since I don't know if they have health insurance or not. Mutilated? Keep it to a minimum.

Here's my choice. I'd ship 'em book rate, if I could.

See Ya Next Year.....

2005-12-29T08:54:00.000-04:00

Hi there, Jet Set Loungers! I will be back in the New Year. Right now, have to get ready for the wedding in February.....and have to explain the "Trapped in the Closet" episode of "South Park" to the Tsar. (It was a rerun about midnight on "Comedy Central".) I'd tell you more about that show, but I don't want to get sued by the Scientologists.

Take care and see you in January!

That's Dyadya Tsar and Tyotya Kory to You!

2005-12-26T21:06:00.000-04:00

This Christmas brought two surprises.

1) I'm going to be a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding, and

2) I'm going to be an aunt. A real, genetically linked aunt, not just "my buddy's having a critter" kind of aunt.

The wedding's tentatively in February, and my new niece or nephew is going to make a splashy debut sometime in September. I hope it's the 17th, since that's when the daddy's birthday is, or on the 25th, since that's mine & the Tsar's anniversary.

The Tsar is tickled, too. This is the fourth little bundle we've heard about since April. (We also just found out that an old friend of mine's wife is having their first daughter any time now in Okinawa. She's in the specialty hospital there for pre-eclampsia, but is doing well, thankfully!)

In any event, this little girl or guy already has $5 for the college fund, courtesy of the Jet Set College Scholarship Program (aka Kory O & the Tsar).

Now, for the first time in my life, I actually have to get one of those weird looking dresses I'll never wear again. My little brother's worth it, though.

I hope this holiday season brought you some wonderful surprises and good news, too!

A Little Weird, But Potentially Useful

2005-12-23T10:22:00.000-04:00

Let's say you want to call your buddy in Antananarivo. (Madagascar...What the hey, right?) You just have this hankerin' for some vanilla beans. But....maybe he's asleep?

Before you start letting your fingers do the walking, why don't you check this world timetable first?

It's not really useful. But I thought it was kind of cool, and it might keep you from unwanted wakeup calls to wish "Merry Christmas", "Happy Chanukah" and "Happy New Year!"

Do You Know What Today Is??

2005-12-23T09:54:00.000-04:00

Yes, it's time to break out the metal pole, air your grievances and engage in feats of strength. Festivus is here!

I'm just not sure if I should go out to Ace Hardware to get the pole, or if I should just order one from this place for next year.

Yup, Jet Set Brother, meet next year's present! The nice, tabletop model is rather tasteful.

Happy Festivus, everyone!

Well, That Doesn't Inspire Confidence....

2005-12-21T16:52:00.000-04:00

Japan Air Lines has had a rough year. It sure didn't get any better when it was revealed that a couple of engines were reversed during scheduled maintenance this February in Singapore......and no one found out until seven months later.

It wasn't a security or safety problem, but still.....not good. Not good at all.

Apparently the plane made 440 trips since the reversal without any problems.

Time to Find a New Doctor!

2005-12-20T15:27:00.000-04:00

My heart ultrasound came back perfectly normal, and better yet, everything is just the way it should be. Even my blood pressure is back to normal. Not a thing wrong, thank God!

It's just how the rest of the appointment went that is pissing me off.

I've been feeling kind of tired lately, and my toes feel like I've been walking on snow. My skin feels cold, and when I take my temperature, it's well below normal. So I told the medical assistant, and he starts asking me if I'm coming down with a cold. I don't have any of the usual symptoms that I get, so he starts asking me some other stuff. Yep, have the dry skin thing, tingling in my hands, sore throat.

He tells me, hmm....maybe thyroid problems?

My blood work came back normal, but....he then whips out a card with symptoms of thyroid deficiency on it. I've got at least 3/4 of them.

Let's ask the doctor.

Ok.

Doctor comes in, looks at the blood work, and says, nope.

Then comes the part that pissed me off.

He starts insisting it is depression. I don't think so, and tell him why (never heard of being cold all the time as a sign of it, and it's not like I feel sad/weepy about anything. Just tired.) He's ready to whip out the old prescription pad right there. It has to be, he says.

Ok, I say....explain why I feel cold all the time in Florida.

He says because it's winter. Very funny.....why do I feel that way even when I am wearing a pair of sweatpants under two blankets? And the furnace is on?

He looks confused.

Early menopause?

I thought you had hot flashes, not constant cold.

Finally he agrees to have me take some more tests. In January. He then asks me if I still had that Singulair stuff he prescribed. I said yes, but I stopped taking it when my arm went numb and woke me up from a deep sleep. The pharmacist told me to stop taking it immediately, and the medical assistant had said that numb feeling meant I was allergic to it.

The doctor then said, well, we'll try it again later.

WTF????? I remember very well how nervous the pharmacist sounded when he called me back after looking up that side effect. The drug site for Singulair even has that bolded on the side effects page.

And this guy wants me to take it again?????

Let me get this straight. I spend December nervous about my damn heart and blood pressure(I pretended it was ok, really....but c'mon. I was more scared about it than I wanted to admit), I get smart answers when I ask what's going on, he's ready to pass out Prozac like candy, I have to fight with him to get a test to rule out thyroid problems, and...he wants me to continue a medication that gave me a bad reaction?

Uh, no. No way.

So, I drove off to the beach, cranked up the seat warmer and the car heater, and watched the waves to calm down. I'm going to see another doctor next week. I hope he'll take me seriously, at least.

It's not the possibility of depression that bothered me. My mother had it, I'm sure of that. I'm sure I had it after my parents' deaths, and it could come back again. If that's what it is, ok, I'll take Prozac or whatever. But somehow I doubt it. (I want to go do things and see places around here. I still get plenty accomplished. Whenever I felt depressed, I just wanted to hide or run away, and nothing got done.)

I could have handled it if he told me that maybe I just had a really weird cold. If he would have bothered to look at my throat, to see if it's just a regular old sore throat, that would have been great.

It's just the total dismissal of what I was telling the guy that torked me off. The suggestion about trying Singulair again didn't help, either.

I'm almost afraid to go to the gynecologist he recommended for my annual checkup later this week. What if he's as bad?

Maybe I should go ask my dogs' vet for a reference. Why is it so easy to find a good vet, and not so easy to find a good human doctor?

Well, I got to go and crank up the furnace.

I sure hope it's just a cold. A very weird one. Will keep you posted.