The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


Adventures in Onboard Alcohol...

Virgin Airways is set to open up the first onboard cocktail bar in association with Bombay Sapphire gin. Upper Class passengers on the New York to London run will receive drink menus featuring options like the French 75, the Ivy Fizz Royale (possibly a variation of this), the Grapefruit Collins (a twist on the classic Tom Collins), a Gin Martini, and a Raspberry Debonaire (might be based on this).

If you are too lazy to go to the bar, a stewardess will bring your selection to you. The bar is only open during the first three hours, and "consumption will be strictly monitored."

Heh, that last phrase reminds me of this Alaska Airlines flight that I took to Seattle from Phoenix last year to visit Tsar Charming. They offered an upgrade to first class for an additional $50. Naturally, I couldn't pass it up. I ordered a screwdriver from the stewardess, and she gave me a full glass of OJ with a little bottle of vodka on the side. Before I could mutter "how the hell am I going to get this vodka into a full glass?" she scampered off. I drank my OJ like a good little girl.....and put the vodka bottle aside in my carry on bag.

I asked for another screwdriver. Same thing.....full glass of OJ, vodka bottle on the side. The vodka bottle met his buddy in the carry on. I did this 5 times. The last time she brought a drink, she looked at me funny.....and then on the sixth request for additional liquid refreshment, she told me that "consumption was strictly monitored, and by Alaska Airlines standards I had sufficient drinks."

She kept looking at me in wonder. After all, she thought I had six tiny bottles of vodka flowing in my veins. I've never had anyone be so concerned about my progress to the lavatory on a plane before. As I went past her to get off the plane in Seattle, she whispered to another stewardess, "She can still walk?? In heels??"

The guy who was sitting next to me on the plane had a good laugh out of that one....and me & the Tsar had a nice cocktail party later that weekend. If those little bottles had been glass instead of plastic, I would have been so busted!

In all fairness to the Alaska Airlines stewardess, at least she knew what a screwdriver was. I ran into a crew on Northwest once who didn't have a clue. I'm serious! After I gave my order to the stewardess, she scampered off to ask the other cabin crew what a screwdriver was. None of them knew. She returned to ask me what was in it.

My dad went speechless. I replied, "it's vodka and orange juice." The stewardess brightened up, and went to make a very respectable screwdriver on the spot. She handed it to me and went down the aisle. My dad still sat there in shock. I took a sip, looked him in the eye and said, "Yep, Dad, that's one of the airlines you worked for...."


  • At 12:47 AM, Blogger Slap-Happy said…

    I'm just tossing this out, but the best fuzzy navel I've ever had was about 18 oz, about 1/2 each because I didn't know the recipe, augmented by about 3 pixie sticks.

  • At 11:00 AM, Blogger Kory O said…

    The proportions sound about right, and I like the pixy stick, um, garnish. ;)

  • At 12:57 PM, Anonymous crash dog/crassdog said…

    ya sound like u take your
    first class very serious not wanting to waste your 5o bucks one bitt ,I to travel alot but not by plane any more, as im a bad boy and cant fly into the states, ive taken 9/11 very hard as im frm canada, and it really bites when ya cant go where ya want .jus because of a few missadvetures in the past im no longer a welcome person in the states, but through resorcfullness nesesity ive got many ways to get around this but its still a hassel

  • At 1:17 PM, Anonymous crashdog said…

    you flks ever hear of a ..wild root shooter? 3/4 JD 1/4southern comfort 1/4 grand marnie.. after 2 if your not smilling seek profesional counseling

  • At 12:09 AM, Blogger Slap-Happy said…

    I feel like I should comment about the lack of Mad Dog in that one, but I won't.

  • At 1:16 PM, Blogger Kory O said…

    Hello, crashdog/crassdog! Welcome aboard!

    No, never tried a wild root shooter. Most of the drinks around here (Phoenix) involve vodka or tequila. I think I have some JD around here....somewhere....

    Hey, anything that can make me smile after doing my taxes is a definite possibility for April!


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