The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


Cocktail of the Week

Well, I don't have a name for this next one. Me & Sparkle Girl came up with it in 2003 while we were getting bombed on the beach in Maui watching the sun go down. Didn't know her before that night, but she's been one of my best friends ever since.

There's only two ingredients, but they might take some searching for at your local market.

6 oz pineapple-orange-guava juice
2 oz Malibu rum

Pour rum over ice, add juice. Stir. Add maraschino cherry for garnish.

I found some of the pineapple-orange-guava juice at my neighborhood store in the juice aisle (not the dairy case) made by a company called Langers. Remember that weird thing called "pogs" back in the 90's? Those were originally bottle tops for this juice mix back in Hawaii.

Malibu rum is for those of you who love coconut. If you don't love it, don't bother getting it. Otherwise, try it in a screwdriver or yellowbird and enjoy the difference.

I've seen drinks such as the Birdie and the Berry Cocktail, but nothing close except for something called a Navy Grog. It has the right juices, and rum, but not Malibu rum. It throws in lime juice and something that gives it a vanilla/allspice taste. Sounds good, though.

So, I figure, we've got to get this submitted to Cocktail Database. I just need a name for it and we're set. Any suggestions out there?

Tsar Charming ain't helping much with this one. He suggested calling it "Tropical Pork". As in, drink it and get....porked. (Just for the record, neither me nor Sparkle Girl got porked that night after creating it.) His lame explanation was that it stood for pineapple, orange, rum, koconut. When asked, "what about the g?" he just started laughing his ass off. The Tsar's a sick, sick man.....but I love him anyway.

Maybe I should call it "Sparkle Girl"? "Jet Set Punch"? What about "Beach Bimbo" or "Maui Sunset"? Any suggestions from the Jet Set Lounge?


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