The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul

2005-05-02

Reasons Why I HATE Golf, Part 453....

I know I'm going to piss people off, but it's my damn blog and I can say whatever I want.

Let's get this straight. Golf is a game. It is not a sport. No way, no how. And professional golfers are the biggest crybabies around.

Want proof? Ok, ruminate on this.

A professional baseball player can hit a ball coming at him at a speed of 90+ miles an hour with a stick of wood even in a stadium filled with screaming yahoos. Especially in a stadium full of screaming yahoos calling for his violent death. He then has to haul ass around the field before the other team's players coordinate catching the ball and throwing it to the nearest player in order to tag the guy out.

The delicate creatures who play golf require total silence before they can hit a stationary ball. They then get into their motorized carts and drive to where they hit the ball. Someone else carries their golf bag. (Wouldn't want to spill your drink, now, would we?)

My grotesquely fat ex-fiance can golf.

Hell, there's more physical effort in bowling, fer Chrissakes!

Do any of you remember Pat Summerall giving what passed for "color commentary" during televised golf tournaments? It was a great sedative when I couldn't get to sleep.

(Guess what scene was my favorite in the movie, "Jackass". Yup, the air horn at the golf course. I laughed so hard I almost peed my pants. Johnny Knoxville is my hero.)

So, now I got to add another professional golfer to the list of people I would dearly love to bitch-slap some day. Ernie Els wants to set up metal detectors at golf tournaments to detect....cell phones. I am not making that up.

I hope Tiger Woods spanks him hard the next time they meet.

2 Comments:

  • At 12:53 PM, Blogger Deacon Blues said…

    Oh, I don't know, I alwasy get my money's worth when I go. I don't ride and walking a golf course carrying my clubs is a good workout. The problem as I see it is in order to get the maximum number of people through riding is preferred. A true purist golfer looks on riders with disdain. I'm usually around 120 to 130. Did you know that Half played golf with Harper Lee?

     
  • At 2:52 PM, Blogger Kory O said…

    Harper Lee? As in To Kill a Mockingbird?

    Way cool, Half!!

     

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