The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


A Public Service Announcement From The Jet Set Chick

Well, this was too good NOT to share, and since the weekend is coming up, I figured there may be someone out there who needs this advice.


1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.

2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my Butt
while yelling WOO-HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around. (Now you
all know we've done this one!)

3. I've suddenly decided I want to kick someone's ass and honestly
believe I could do it too.

4. In my last trip to "pee" I realize I now look more like Tammy Faye
Baker than the goddess I was just four hours ago.

5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. hotdog on the floor (which I'm eating even
though I'm not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.

6. I start crying and telling everyone I see that I love them sooooo

7. There are less than three hours before I'm due to start work.

8. I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.

9. The man I'm flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table and
dance becomes strangely overwhelming.

11. My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep
them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.

12. I've suddenly taken up singing and become really good at it.

13. I yell at the bartender, who (I think) cheated me by giving me just
coke, but that's just because I can no longer taste the rum.

14. I think I'm in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen
or bathroom floor.

15. I start every conversation with a booming, "DON'T take this The
WRONG WAY but..."

16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid's down when I sit on it.

17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling takedown moves.

18. I'm tired so I just sit on the floor (wherever I happen to be
standing) and take a quick nap.

19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my pants to cut down on the
time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink.

20. I take my shoes off because I believe it's their fault that I'm
having problems walking straight.

21. I start believing that everyone in the room wants to see my boobs.

22. You start to rub your face & can't feel it & say, "My Numb is
Face!" (when we all know she meant to really say - "My Face is Numb!")

Not that I've ever been guilty of any of this behavior, mind you.... ;) (I'm just thankful photo phones weren't available when I was in my twenties!)

Have a terrific weekend!


  • At 6:14 PM, Blogger Deacon Blues said…

    #16 is very painful for a man.

  • At 2:58 PM, Blogger eLarson said…

    I heard a song just like this last night on XM-Channel 16 on the way back to Gaithersburg from Bawlmer.

    Danged if I can remember the title or who sang it. It was late, and I was tired.

    But at least the White Sox won.


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