The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


Hmm, That Wasn't So Bad!

I was going to tell you guys about the immigration interview Tsar Charming and I had on the 1st, wasn't I?

Sorry, kept forgetting and got distracted. (Landlords tend to do that to you, but more on that some other time. I can't quite decide if ours is Satan's greedy little troll cousin, or just a pathetic shmo who really needs to get beaten for two minutes with a lead pipe.)

We showed up at the appointed time, and met with our lawyer in the lobby. The Tsar had stayed up all night, arranging the documents in his own careful system, and we brought all ten pounds of it with us into the immigration officer's little cramped suite.

We swore to tell the truth, and then the questions started.

Where did you meet?

Where are you from?

May I see your wife's birth certificate?

Have you met her family?

Did you bring a copy of last year's tax return?

How did you file?

Have you ever been separated?

How long have you lived at your current residence? Rent or own?

Do you have any children?

We're working on it.

(The officer remarked that the Jet Set Mutts would qualify as kids if it was up to her.)

Why did you get married in Vegas if you live in Phoenix?

I didn't want to spend 25k on a wedding....we had a bunch of people there, and my brother gave me away. Want to see the pictures?

(The officer declined.)

What is your husband's phone number?

I don't know.

You don't know?

(The young blonde officer looked at me funny, cocking an eyebrow....the Tsar started turning pale, thinking that I've blown it and we'll be back in a few months because I don't remember some basic info that any good wife should know. Our attorney gets nervous.)

Well,'s programmed into my cell phone and I was told I couldn't bring it in here. If I want to call him, I just press a button.

(The officer smiled, and the Tsar started breathing again. Our attorney just shrugs.)

You've got a family plan?

Yep. His number is pretty close to mine, though.

(The Tsar tells her his phone number and mine, since he memorized it. The officer just laughs, stamps some of the documentation, and tells us that the reason she can't officially grant him the card is because the FBI clearance hasn't been completed yet. It could happen any time, she says, and is not unusual for applicants from Eastern Europe or Asia who have names that were not originally written in the Latin alphabet.)

So, the Tsar is almost a green card holder. He will have a "conditional" one for two years, and it will be permanent if I apply within 18 months to have the conditional part removed. After that, he can apply for citizenship in a year.

For the first time that day, he said he wanted to apply for citizenship.

I'll keep you posted. ;)


  • At 9:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

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  • At 8:16 AM, Blogger Deacon Blues said…

    Woo-hoo!! I sincerely hope everthing continues to go so well for you both>

  • At 9:56 PM, Blogger eLarson said…

    "What's your spouse's number?"

    "Well I just hold down the 2 until it starts to ring. Unless she's at work, and then I hold down the 3..."

    I so know the feeling.

    Good on ya both.

    (My day comes 3 weeks from tomorrow. *gulp*)

  • At 10:52 PM, Blogger Kory O said…

    eLarson, hang in there, buddy!

    This soon-to-be-no-longer-newlywed wishes you both the happiness and joy that me & the Tsar have had since last year!

  • At 10:45 AM, Blogger Pen Ultimate said…

    Thanks for writing about your interview experience. We have our interview in a few weeks, and after an hour scouring the internet for a list of questions actually asked in an actual interview, yours is the best account I've found. It sounds as though they are pretty quick to figure out when a marriage is clearly legit, so really what they want to see is that you've brought 10 pounds of documentation - they don't actually want to read all 10 pounds. Although it would be fun to show the case officer all our wedding photos, trip photos from the US and overseas, holiday cards, etc...


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