The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


Vamos a La Migra!

Today's the big day. Tsar Charming and I have our interview with Immigration to prove to their satisfaction that a) we have a real marriage, b) I'm not getting paid to marry him and go through with this, and c) that the Tsar is worthy of a green card.

I keep telling the Tsar that they'll probably deport me and keep him. After all, my family has been kicked out of every other respectable country on Earth....with the exception of Australia. They're next.

The guvmint's been waiting for this chance for a long time, kids.

One of these days, I'll write something about all the involuntary expulsions. But, for now, back on topic.

We meet with our lawyer at the Immigration office and wait. Hopefully, the people ahead of us won't be too dodgy. If they are, we could be there hours while they separate the "loving couple" and interrogate them about the color of their kitchen towels, their "beloved's" middle name, and what kind of toothpaste they use.

My answer for the last one is "Whatever's on sale at Osco."

I never thought I'd be holding on to things like bills for dental surgery on my sweetie, old car insurance policies that have our names on them, and old magazines to prove that yes....we really do live where we say we do. And we live there together.

We also have to cart in every scrap of paper that Immigration has ever sent us, wedding photos, and old airline ticket stubs. (They say that letters written back and forth would be good evidence, too.....but since the love letters I've written him are in Russian, I don't think they will help much, unless our hearing officers speak the language. Even then, I don't want them to have them. That's too personal.)

The really funny thing is I have to prove I can support him, when he makes more money than I do, and probably always will. I have to bring the last three years of income tax returns, bank statements, and other evidence of "financial responsibility" to prove that if he should ever apply for government benefits any time within the next ten years, I can pay the government back for every dollar.

I've already signed a piece of paper saying I would do that. Think about that....have you ever loved someone enough to sign a piece of paper stating that you would support them financially for the next ten years no matter what happens to your marriage?

(Actually, that's a good question for anyone considering getting married. If we have kids, I'm going to tell them about that piece of paper and say if they didn't love someone enough to sign something like that, they have no damn business getting hitched in the first place. Well, that and my mom's advice to never marry a guy until you've seen him drunk and find out how he treats you. Pledges of undying devotion....good. Getting a baseball bat, swearing at you and threatening to kill you......not good. Passing out....that interpretation is up to you. Hopefully he didn't ignore you for hours first.)

It literally stands about three inches tall, and doesn't include the additional stuff we're bringing in a file carrying case. After pulling all this together, getting a mortgage should be a breeze.

If that's not enough evidence that I married this guy because I love him, I give up. No way are we going the extra mile and bringing in videotapes a la Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee. (Not that there are any, you pervs!)

I'll post later on what happened. It should be interesting. Right now I've got to go find a couple library books, just in case we're there all day.


  • At 12:21 AM, Blogger Scone said…

    So how did it go? Couldn't have been too bad, if they're still letting him go work for the new place.


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