The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


Oh My God! It's Starting AGAIN!!!

Yes, denizens of the Jet Set Lounge, I finally have internet service in the new hometown of Melbourne, Florida.

But after the adventures of this past week, I'm pretty exhausted and will post tomorrow instead of today. If every week is this eventful out here, I'm crawling back to the desert ASAP.


Time to Say "Adios" to the Ol' Home Town

I know I haven't been posting much lately. I've been busy saying my goodbyes all over town.

I have a rather weird confession to make. I have never lived anywhere else but Phoenix, and strange as it sounds, I only lived in one house from the time my mother and father brought me home from Good Samaritan Hospital until a few weeks before my wedding.

(Yes, I had apartments and dorm rooms close to Arizona State, but I went home on the weekends and summers. I never considered those other places home.....just temporary crash pads.)

That house is the place where I did my homework, got quarters from the Tooth Fairy, watched Saturday cartoons, and played hide and seek in the yard. It's where my father died, so that he wouldn't be alone in a hospital bed at the end of his fight with cancer.

I remodeled it a few years ago, and swore I would never ever leave. Even after I no longer worked for the City, I still planned on being there until I died. I had decided what room I was going to use as a nursery when I brought home my daughter someday (I was going to adopt a baby girl from China, was going to decorate the room with stenciled Chinese symbols for happiness, luck, love, and joy, and walk her to the same school I went to for her first day of kindergarten.)

I love the terrific view of North Mountain Park, and was close enough to walk or run there with Alexa when the weather wasn't too hot.

Now I have to give all that up, and it's hard. I know that there were never any guarantees. Life doesn't work that way.

I am going to miss this place. There, I've said it. I will miss Phoenix.

I will miss driving down Central Avenue at night, Sonoran-style Mexican food, and people who know how to pronounce the words "saguaro", "quesadilla" and "cholla". I don't want to root for another team besides the Diamondbacks, and occasionally the Suns. I will miss that peculiar style of architecture that Sparkle Girl calls "Taco Deco", classic ranch house design (yes, I grew up in one....and dammit, they are perfect for this town. Deal with it.), and the city buildings designed by Will Bruder.

I'm going to miss people who think 90 degrees is a comfortable high daily temperature, who bring in oranges off of their trees in the winter to share with their coworkers, and know how to drive with oven mitts or two fingers on the steering wheel in July.

I'm even going to miss the clowns who whine about Phoenix being a "cultural desert", but can't seem to get off of their asses to create this missing enlightenment. The two local papers, the Arizona Repulsive and the New Slimes, really love blaring how inadequate they find this place that every chance they get. (The Repulsive's "this is going to make Phoenix a world-class city" story line hit absolute rock bottom when they applied it to the opening of a Planet Hollywood. I kid you not....they said that would finally put Phoenix on the map. Before that, it was a Gucci store in the Biltmore Fashion Park, and....brace yourselves.....the arrival of the Cardinals as our football team. Someone there desperately needs to get hit, hard, with a clue bat.)

I'm going to miss hearing some yahoo whine and bitch about how Phoenix sucks and they can't wait to get out of here and go back to some frozen burg up north......yet when I offer to pay their airfare home, one way, if they would only shut up for one @#$%-ing minute....never seem to take me up on their offer.

On second thought, I'll probably be able to do the same damn thing in Florida. Ok, scratch that.

I'm going to miss the sunsets. Trust me....the pictures in Arizona Highways don't need to be touched up much. It really is that beautiful in this state. I'm going to need to get a subscription before I go. Me & the Tsar already got a little cactus to grace our new home so we can stare at it when we get homesick.

I'm going to miss laughing at dorks who tuck their jeans into their cowboy boots, who wear ties to Rawhide, and insist on wearing three piece suits in the middle of July.

I'm going to miss the way Phoenix looks at night, all lit up and pretty, even though it blots out the stars I used to see growing up. I'm going to miss going to North Mountain Park after a spring rain, when the creosote and acacia smell heavenly and the desert seems simultaneously timeless and new.

I know I'll be able to fly back and visit. I intend to do just that, and stay in the house I grew up in. The Jet Set Brother said I could, anytime. We extended the same offer to him, when he comes out to Florida.

But it's not going to be the same. He's got a new girlfriend, and they are changing the house to suit them and their pup, a sweet but shy golden retriever mix with a funny front paw. (Don't feel sorry for the dog. She's obviously not traumatized by it.) I eventually have to get all of my stuff out of there, I know. It's time to move on. I'm leaving the place in good hands, and I know the Jet Set Brother will take care of it.

I'm sure it sounds dumb, but at least there's not going to be strangers living in my old house. That's a comfort. I'll still have the key to the front door (damn thing doesn't work on the side door), and there will be a dog happy to see me when I walk in. Maybe I'm nuts, but I don't think a house without a welcoming dog can be a home.

Phoenix has been good to me. I grew up here, got more or less educated in the local public schools, and met the sweetest guy in the world in a sports bar on Bell Road.

Maybe Florida will be good to me & the Tsar, too. I hope so.

But if it's not....we know where we'll be heading. Back here, to the Valley of the Sun.

(I won't be regularly posting here for a while, so that I can give the new town a chance and settle in. It will be hit and miss for a while. If I can post, I will, but if there is nothing, I hope you understand.)

Till off to my next adventure. Take care and will post later, I promise!


Goin' to the Chapel, and He's Gonna Get MARRIED!

Today, a gentleman whose blog I link to is getting married to his sweetheart.

Me and the Tsar wish you both all the best, eLarson!

I can't put it any better than this to you and your lovely bride on your wedding day:

Now you will feel no rain
for each of you will be shelter to the other
Now you will feel no cold
for each of you will be warmth to the other
Now there is no loneliness for you
for each of you will be companion to the other
Now you are two persons
but there is one life before you
Go now to your dwelling place
to enter into the days of your togetherness
And may your days be good and long upon this earth

(Traditional Apache Wedding Blessing)

I Wish I Would Have Thought of Doing This!

Well, I'm now officially unemployed. My last day with the State of Arizona was Wednesday. So now, I'm busy packing and trying to get ready for the move to Florida by the 21st. Blogging may be a bit sporadic over the next few weeks.

Anyway, on to today's entry....

Courtesy of Fark, I came across this article about my new hero. I'd shove all this packing crap and head to the Great White North if I hadn't promised the Tsar I'd take care of all this moving stuff.

I just hope they have something like this when I'm eligible to bet I'd be there!


This is Getting Too Silly.....

I haven't been to England....yet. Someday, I'll get there.

Lately, however, it seems that the Brits have gone, well, dotty. I think that's the right word.

First, some guy said a swiggle on a Burger Thing ice cream treat "resembled" the word for Allah. Then some place called Dudley banned Piglet of Winnie the Pooh fame. I guess even looking at a cartoon representation of a possible pork product is offensive....somehow.

Now, some guys are getting their knickers in a knot over the St George's Cross banner, because maybe some Muslim will connect it to the Crusades and get offended. Apparently some prison guards made contributions to a cancer charity and received the pins in return.

Mind you, no one has actually made a complaint, yet. No Muslim prisoner has stepped forward to scream about his psychic scarring from seeing a small pin on a guard's uniform.

Chris Doyle, director of the Council for the Advancement of Arab-British Understanding (aka some wanker hanging out on the dole) says the red cross on a white field is insensitive.

So is the actual St George, according to this genius, which I find rather confusing. He thinks that England should pick a saint that represents "everyone".

I have a nomination! How about St Nigel, patron of the soccer hooligans? (Ok, I made that up....sorry!)

I eagerly await the British Robert Bly's take on this notorious band of oppressors. And every single one of the countries here treats Muslims with utter contempt.

Don't believe me? Think about this. Which group of nations provides Muslims with greater religious freedom....the last link in the previous paragraph, or these ones? Which countries have been slaughtering infidels like the Shia, Sufis, and Ismailis?

I know, I'm making sense. I'll stop now. Goodbye and goodnight.


Who knows? Someday it could happen...especially considering that .travel is the newest domain to be issued to companies in the tourist biz.

Airlines don't qualify for the much cooler .aero, which belongs to aviation companies, airports and aerospace companies.

Maybe not on the site. Face it....that sounds dorky.


Standby....Now Guaranteed for $25

Ever want to change your flight to an earlier one? Hate to pay a $100 change fee or stand around bothering the gate agents?

American and US Airways have been testing out an option that would allow standby passengers to get guaranteed seats on earlier flights for a $25 charge, if any seats are available. Other carriers also offer the possibility of snagging a seat for some extra cash, but for now you have to ask for it.

Cheapskates, or as I prefer to call myself, old-school fly boys and girls, still have the option of hanging around for free on the off chance that there will be an available seat. Bring a book, and experience the thrill of seeing how non-revs travel!

Good luck to anyone giving it a have been full lately, due to the airlines cutting back service.


Somebody Died From What?????

Yes, it's official. Today, I am now at an age I would have considered ancient back when I was in high school. Happy Birthday to me!

I'm shocked that I can still see without glasses, that my hair hasn't turned gray, and that I can still get out of bed in the morning. My knees don't like me much, though.

Anyway, it's normal on a day like today to consider just how lucky I am. After all, I didn't die from acne, from flatulence, or sunburn.

Yeah, your momma told you that you wouldn't die from any of those things? She was WRONG! Here you were in your carefree youth, risking death by zits......

There's nothing here about dying from embarrassment, so I guess she was right about that one. Check out your favorite way to die by clicking here.

I think I'll risk death by attacking my raspberry cake with white chocolate frosting for breakfast. I'm old enough to know better, but still too young to care!

Hope you are all having a safe weekend!