The Cranky Ol' Bat

Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death! - RuPaul


You Got a What Passport, Boy??

Let's say you are an American, and for whatever reason you have decided to renounce your citizenship. However, you want to go down to Bolivia and set off a few bombs, because, well, you're an a$$hole.

Yes, I'm making a value judgment here. Deal with it.

What kind of passport are you likely to use, since your American one is no longer valid?

Well, if re-entry to the United States is not a priority, there's a thing called a "World Passport" that true transnationalists can apply for. It's bright blue, has gold lettering on front, is printed in seven languages, and has on occasion been accepted by (usually) confused customs officials throughout the world. Pony up $45 for three years, and $75 for five, and...maybe it's valid. It depends on where you are going, so either check first or bring a real passport.

Just don't try to use it in Canada, France, Germany, Switzerland or Great Britain, and you too may be able to mystify and confuse customs officials the world over!


Pimp This Ride If You Dare!!

You never know what you will find on eBay.

Think You Know the Answer?

By many reports, this country is the safest one in Central America. It has bright blue butterflies, freshwater sharks (!), and is becoming a popular place for rich Norteamericanos to retire.

Yes, I's still part of North America....

But, it's not Costa Rica.

It had a very troubled past, that's true. The country now has a democratically elected government, and has some nice incentives should you wish to run a tourist business.

What country is it? Click here to find the answer....

It's a Niece!!

Just found out yesterday....the Jet Set Chick and Tsar Charming will soon be welcoming the newest member of our family (27 August or thereabouts)....little Alena Joyce!

Nope, we don't know if Bubba is a boy or a girl yet. It's too soon to tell. But I will tell you a little bit after we find out.


An Answer to the Eternal Question.....

How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Lightbulb?

* Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?

* Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

* Dachshund: I can't reach the lamp!

* Toy Poodle: I'll just talk sweet to the Border collie and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

* Rottweiler: Go ahead! Make me!

* Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling. What are servants for?

* Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

* Malamute: Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

* Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.


* Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

* Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

* Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

* Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

* Mastiff : Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

* Pit bull: Who needs light? I can still maul your child in the dark.

* Dalmatian: Don't you know that outlet is a FIRE HAZARD?!

* St. Bernard: Light bulbs? You sure you don't want a slug o' brandy?


If a President Should Be Censured, This One Needs It More Than All The Others Ever Did

Combined, even. Yup, lump in virtually every President from Washington on, and no one deserves it more.

Even before I got totally hormonal with this pregnancy, the mere mention of his name when the Tsar asked me questions about recent American history would easily produce a torrent of obscenities defaming everything from his possible ancestry, dietary preferences, and potential deviant sexual activities. In English, Russian, Spanish, and other foreign languages too, since I was trying not to repeat myself.

Yup, ask anyone in Generation X who was the worst president during their lifetime. They may originally say "Reagan", "Clinton" or one of the Bushes, but mention this asshat, and 95% will agree he was even worse than their original answer. (We just try to blot out his memory as best as we can.)

I mean, damn, even Clinton prefers to hang out with his fellow Republican former presidents! (It might have something to do with the fact that this putz negotiated his own agreement with the North Koreans without conferring with Clinton's administration first. I remember the look in that Bill's eyes when he found out about it at a press conference. That was one angry good ol' wonder they considered him to be, and I quote, "a treasonous prick".)

Lately, he has found a brand new friend in Hamas. That's right, Hamas, the terrorist group that calls for nuclear destruction of Israel. According to him, we shouldn't cut off funding simply because Hamas is a bunch of crazed, sociopathic killers.

I wish I was making all that crap up, but you know he's actually said that.

If I have a house when that sumbitch dies, and there is a flagpole in the yard, I am under *no* circumstances lowering that flag to half mast.

The above link takes you to an online petition to censure this pompous ass. Sure, it probably won't lead to anything, but damn, it felt good to sign it.

Like, Bitchin', Dude!!

Note: My hair never DID look like that, although I got some pretty good height from mousse, my curler and a hair dryer on occasion...

what decade does your personality live in?

quiz brought to you by lady interference, ltd

There Might Be Some Good Deals for Springtime in Paris This Year.....

If you live in a more touristy part of the country, be prepared to hear slightly less French over the next few weeks, if not months.

The French government has been unable to issue passports to its citizens that meet the US standards, effective 26 October, 2005, and probably won't manage to do it for the next three months or so. All passports issued after that date require a digital photograph. Passports issued after 26 October, 2006 will also require a microchip.

If the issuing nation does not meet the digital photo/microchip standards, travelers from those countries need to obtain a visa prior to visiting America. French travelers, long used to not having to get a visa, now have to apply for one at the extremely busy consulates. (Good luck trying to get an appointment....they're booked up until June.)

Another eeeeeevvvviillll Bush plot? Not exactly. Britain has been issuing digital photograph passports since 2003, and is on track to issue new ones with microchips this fall.

The French government, meanwhile, didn't get their butts in gear until last spring. Then, since the contract for printing the passports was issued to a private firm, the Imprimerie Nationale (the state-owned printer) took the government to court and tied it up in a lawsuit for eight months. The Imprimerie Nationale now has the contract to print them, but is not expected to actually have any good to go for another month.

So...what does that mean for denizens of the Jet Set Lounge?

Be on the lookout for some possible good deals, naturalment! Travel between France and the US is expected to dip as passengers either delay their vacations until they have proper documentation or cancel it altogether. Almost 300,000 of the normal 800,000 French visitors to America may be affected, because either they or someone they will travel with now needs a visa to comply with the new regulations. French travel agents say that bookings are already down 30%.

If you have always wanted to go to Paris but were looking for a great deal, this may be the year your friends get to tell you Bon Voyage!!


Top O' The Mornin' to You!

Ok, I'm a little late on the greeting, sorry about that. It's a little bit weird not to make my infamous Irish Creme Cake (the things I do for Bubba...), or even make my Irish Stew (the recipe feeds about 10, and we'll be eating it until Easter if I whip some up).

I think the closest we are going to get to what has become my "traditional" celebration is slamming down my new favorite drink, ginger ale. Hey, the can's green, ok??

And, anyone who even tries to pinch me for not wearing green is getting decked. None of my green clothes fit anymore, dammit.

Happy St Paddy's Day to you all from Kory O'!


From The "You Can't Make This Stuff Up" Department...

I usually prefer to travel with quick-drying Gramicci pants, but a British woman has preferred something a bit more exotic over the past 15 years....a cow costume.

Yes, she wore it while traveling, and says it even saved her life.

I'll never go quite that far in praise for my pants. I'm still not inspired to change my traveling outfit.

Still More Stuff I Ripped Off of Rantburg...

Check out 213 Things Skippy is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army. I'm just glad Skippy didn't elaborate on the chicken and rice thing....


That's Theresa Bouncing Snail to You!

Yup, this site helps you to come up with your American Indian name. I found it when lurking in the O-Club at Rantburg. Deacon Blues posted it for all to play with (his Indian name was Bing Distateful Hound).

Bing, er, Deacon, cheer up.....I tried out "Ward Churchill" just for yuks and got Francis Flaky Reindeer.....


Now Leaving From Gate 37....Cheap Airfares

Airlines are looking for ways to increase their revenues, and with the current economic climate, they think they have found a few more ways to extract $ from your pockets.

Want an aisle seat on Northwest, and you are booking late? Be prepared to pay $15 for the privilege of not tripping over your fellow passengers on the way to the lavatory. They are looking into possibly charging for emergency exit rows and other seats if this should prove to be popular. This follows Air Canada's charge for seat assignments and United's extra charge for its "Economy Plus" seats.

That's not all. Southwest just announced an increase in their maximum fare. The previous $299 cap is now $309 one-way. Considering how they have torked off some of their frequent flyers with changes to their program, it's possible even more passengers might rethink their loyalty to the carrier.


Going to Greenwich Village or Paris?

Frommer's has a freebie for you, then! You can download MP3s of a suggested walking tour of that famous part of New York or a Parisian tour based on the DaVinci code by clicking here.

Fret not if you can't use the MP3 format. You can also download a pdf file and read along on your own.


Check Out Slide #2

Never before has #2 been more appropriate.

Have a great weekend!


The Real First Underwater Hotel

Every now and then I like to look at Slate Magazine. It's like Salon, only without the unmedicated Kos Kids-style hysteria. (Note to Salon editors....bring back Camille Paglia, ok? Your current crop of correspondents suck. Especially that one woman with four kids who wishes one of her sons was gay, simply so that she could go shopping with him when he grows up.)

Slate is actually written by grownups, and even's free. There's no stupid, dorky ads you have to sit through just to read mediocre crap.

Anyway, check out this article about undersea adventures. Someday, maybe once my little Bubba hits five and I can drop him off at his aunt & uncle's for a visit, I might get to go to one of them. Thank God iving c-cards never expire!!


Love Boat? Maybe Not.....

The cruise lines work hard to promote a sun-and-fun image, but....are you really safer aboard a ship than you would be on dry land?

Maybe, but, if you happen to become a crime victim....good luck trying to get the perpetrator prosecuted. Crimes aboard ship are the responsibility of the FBI. There is a limit to what they can do for you, however, when the cruise ships clean up the crime scenes and restrict access to witnesses and suspects.

Check out this Time Magazine article online before you pull up anchor.